Verdigris

Breathless,
caught up in anticipation,
how long will it be
before you find me boring,
before I think you are.
Right now,
your touch is electric,
and every kiss
brings a frisson of pain
and pleasure,
as I imagine telling your young lover
just what it is
you get up to in the morning,
before you return to her.
Right now,
you shine for me,
bright and pure,
but eventually,
the patina of jealousy
will coat even the newest of loves,
and dinge it all
to a heartsick green.

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Backstory, 1

The snow crunched under his booted feet as he ran, breath raw and steaming. A hundred thousand questions, but he couldn’t put any to words, not yet, not while they were still close enough behind him. They’d loose the dogs soon, and he had to get to the water, had to, his life depended on it. Somewhere along the way, a branch had whipped his cheek, and it stung as the blood ran warm against his cold skin. His body railed against him, threatened to give out before he found safety, but he promised it rest soon, and prayed to long ago and lonely gods that he would do what he could to fight those who’d taken over the homelands of his love, if only they would save him.

At first, he thought perhaps one had listened. The sounds of pursuit diminished. He didn’t dare slow; he could smell the water calling him — it wasn’t close enough to be safe yet, but it was close, all the same, and his blood sang in remembrance.

He dared a smile and put on a renewed burst of strength as he ran, pulling off his gloves and tearing at his coat and shirt, baring his skin to the frigid air — and then he heard them:

The hounds.

Panic seized him, shook his bones within his body, and he stumbled over a root and hit the forest floor with a cry of fear and pain. His palms were cut open from the shale beneath the snow, and blood pattered down, red on white.

“I’m near the shore,” he said aloud. “Almost. I’m almost there,” he wept, and struggled to his feet, pushing harder.

He broke through the underbrush and found himself in the open, clattering down over the shale beds that led to the lapping waters of Iceling Bay, and tore the rest of his clothes from his body as he heard the baying of the hounds draw ever nearer.

He reached the waters’ edge as the dogs emerged from the treeline, followed shortly by the Princeguard themselves.

“HOLD!” shouted the Captain, her eyes fierce, furious. “In the name of the King! Go no further!”

“I have no King!” he returned, his breath steaming in the frigid air. He ran into the water, feeling the sharp sting of it send needles into his flesh. It chilled so sharply it burned, and he felt it pull him under, cradle him, accept him, promise him safety.

The guard reached the water’s edge, and called back their hounds in frustration. Most turned back, retreating from the icy bite of the bay, but two–too consumed by the need to catch their prey–boldly surged forth, baying and frothing, disappearing into the dark waves. The Captain cursed, dismounting and running for the waves, shouting for the animals to obey. Their hunt would not be denied, however, and the last she saw of them, they were merely shadows like the runaway, melting into the grey chill of the Iceling.

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Pile Up

I let the cards
pile up,
the red flag notices,
the warnings.
I let the shouts,
the anger,
the snarling hate
pile up.
I let it fill. I let it fill me. I let it over-

flow.

These are the days
and this is the moment
where I can be consumed
in rage,
where I will reach
my ignition point,
where I can finally
be obliterated,
driven into nothingness,
like I have always wanted.

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Locked Away

Her smile can hide a wealth of lies
and all of them in blood
I hear his words behind his words
not all of them are good
the more I listen, listen hard
the more he wants to play
He follows her along this old road
this oldfashioned way

place
this play place
this familiar place
this one place
down the hall
we walk down the hall and he is looking
he is looking for her
red lipped
self to come out of hiding

where as I am only pink lipped blue eyed too blue, not blue, but starry starry van gogh blue
locked in
locked away
wondering what will happen to me
(you know I do)
can’t you hear him
can’t you hear him when I hear him?

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Easier

Hang me, drain me,
cut and bleed me,
leave me in the wind to dry
and grow as hollow
as the apologies
you’ll decorate me with,
later,
leave me as nothing
but bones, nothing
but a rattle and rush,
nothing but
a dried up bag
of sticks and wistful thinking —
it will be easier
for at least one of us,
this way.

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