The Autumn Queen No. 13 – Battle Cry

This is #13 of The Autumn Queen. To start at the beginning, go here.

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“Commander,” comes the call, and I know I cannot stay here. “They are making preparations for leaving the field. They are leaving the fight.”

I get up, from where I am holding vigil, and I kiss the cold lips of my fallen brother. He looks alive in the firelight, only sleeping, but he is as lost to me as the blossom is to the rose, come winter.

“Good,” I answer my sergeant. “I am ill suited to waiting.”

“Is it over?” he asks me. “Are we our own? Will she go back to her city, and leave us to ours?”

“It is nearly over,” I promise, and I pick up my helmet.

When I come out of the tent, the whole of the army is still, spread out in waves before me, silent watchful under the torchlight.

I raise my voice to be heard, though I am not certain I would need to, so attentive is my audience.

“This war ends now,” I call, walking to the horse they have readied for me. A brief murmur of confusion and relief swells through the ranks. I climb on the steed, and hold my helmet as I let him walk through camp toward the field. “I will not surrender the prince, and I will not submit. I will crush them, or I will die, trying,” I tell them. “Follow if you will. Ride home, if you must.” I put on my helmet, and I ride for the edge of camp, toward the dim torchlights of the other army. By the time I am at a gallop, the entire vanguard is mounted and is following after me, riding hell for leather. The footmen follow after, as fast as they are able.

I slow enough so that when we crest the low hill and come crashing down into their camp, we are as a great wave, overtaking their banners, drowning them in blood and hate.

I know I am just as much monster as their mother-Queen, their great and terrible leader, as I turn my steed for her tent, calling to my men the one thing my enemy had been certain–in my devotion to justice–I would never steal from her: her battle cry.

“Kill them all!”

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The Autumn Queen No. 12 – Important Lessons

This is #12 of The Autumn Queen. To start at the beginning, go here.

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“Hold!”

I remember the two most important lessons I learned, in swordplay.

“Elias, are you hurt?”

I looked down at the sword.

We had only just begun the transition from practice blades, but I was eager to learn, and I had picked up the true weapon, hungry to know the differences between it and the dulled or wooden blades with which we first practiced. My brother stood closer than I realized. In our play, I had thrust, and he had jumped back, but not soon enough, and I had driven the tip up under his ribs, the blade cleanly piercing his skin. I remember the way he bled, staining the new tunic a brilliant scarlet.

“Elias? Dear Goddess–You! Marshall! Get a chiurgeon. And a priest. Now.”

I looked to my brother.

He was doubled over, and looking at me with wide, dark eyes. He had gone white-skinned, grey lipped. The instructor laid him to the floor, cursing furiously, and tore the tunic open, so he could see the wound.

“Elodie, what did you do?”

I looked down at the sword again.

I had still been holding it, and now was staring in awe at the tip. Two inches of the blade had been coated in glistening red. It ran down the fuller, seeking out my hand.

“Elodie!”

There was only a minimal guard — no basket or fancy quillions — and the blood ran right over it, and painted my fingertips crimson. The world greyed out, and everything felt far away. Before I could answer, the instructor reached out and slapped my cheek, hard enough that my ears rang. I dropped the sword and he grabbed my hand and pulled me down to my knees, putting my hands to Elias’s skin.

“Press here. Hold it. Don’t move.”

He ran, then, to see what the marshall’s delay was, leaving me alone with Elias. My brother stared up at me, and weakly laced his fingers in mine.

“My fault.”

It cost him to speak, but I shook my head, unwilling to listen. I wouldn’t even look at his face, as he lay bleeding beneath my hands. His fault. How ridiculous was that? I was the one playing with the sword, not him. When the instructor and marshall returned with a cleric and medic, Elias was taken away for immediate surgery, and I remained. Someone would be sent for me — not my parents, as they would be with Elias — but someone would come.

I sat in the practice hall, alone, for hours. It was my mother who did come, my mother the general. My mother who wore Elias’s blood on her breast, as I wore it on my hands. She came back for me, and I made her promise me three times that Elias would be well before I would pick myself up off the floor, where I still sat.

It was my mother who said the words I think on each time the banners are lifted, as I carry her broadsword. It is her words I think on as we march out to the field, facing off against our own kin. She is gone now, has been gone for dozens of moonturns, but I can still hear her voice reminding me:

“If you remember nothing else from this, Elodie, remember these two things: One, that you must never wield a weapon until you are ready for it to find blood. Two, a weapon does not care whose blood it may find.”

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The Autumn Queen No. 11 – His

This is #11 of The Autumn Queen. To start at the beginning, go here.

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“I am her ninth face, the first and last, the darkest of nights.”

I have heard my brother speak this prayer many times; I could chant the litany myself, if I needed to. What I can’t do is figure out how to get in to see him. The Order is not unwelcoming, but the temple itself is hard to navigate. They light no candles, and when She is hidden, the skylights do no good.

“I am her silence, the space between prayers and their answer.”

I am my own silence; I have worn soft boots tonight, so as not to disturb vespers. All I want is to get to Elias before I am discovered and sent away. Again. My brother has not left the temple in over a week — though I know full well he can care for himself, my worry is for the others.

“I am her child, born into Unending Night by blood and sacrifice.”

The child, and the wetnurse who cares for it, and has kept it hidden. The child, retrieved from its mother, who brought her army to batter itself against the city’s walls again and again.

“I am her vision, and with her eyes, I am made whole, and I see beyond.”

The child he had never seen. His child.

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Without Me

I am hoping
against
hope
that I learn this lesson

the one where I am
always wondering
if the point is
to hang on,
or to finally
let go

before the world
makes the decision
without me.

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The Autumn Queen No. 10 – If You Could See

This is #10 of The Autumn Queen.  To start at the beginning, go here.  

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Firelight played over the pieces on the maps, casting shadows across the battlefield. The logs were from the Deepwood, and gave off a reddish glow as they burned; both the light and shadow that fire cast left everything looking bloody.

“Forward,” my brother said definitively. “A direct assault. We’ll ride over them all.”

“It would invite nothing but direct retaliation, sir,” another officer began. “If you could but see–”

See?” Elias interrupted, lifting his chin. He tipped his head, thoughtful, and turned to look at the speaker, his hollowed gaze staring down the commander who had spoken.

The commander looked to me, startled, but I offered no reprieve; he was grey in the temples — he should have known better.

“If I could see, leftenant?” Elias asked, and his words were ice and fire as one. “With whose eyes would you have me see, sir? Those of my sister, the commander who is now your general, at whose behest I am here to discuss strategy? Yours? Should I pluck them from your empty head and use them better than you are?”

“I-I-I only m-meant–” the officer struggled.

“SILENCE!” Elias shouted, towering over the man. “I did not carve out my eyes, boy, so that you could make witless remarks!” The officer slunk down, shrinking away from my brother, who bared his teeth and looked fair furious. “I gave my eyes to the Unending Night. And now my vision is far, far better than yours. Is that clear?” he growled.

“Yes, Eminence, sir.” The officer looked as though he might swallow his own tongue.

“Good,” Elias spat. “Now get out.”

“Sir?”

“Out.”

The officer was gone without another word. As soon as we were alone in the tent, Elias made a show of looking around to make sure we were alone, and then began to laugh. I couldn’t help myself and laughed with him until I felt tears stinging my eyes.

“Oh, by the stars, I could smell his fear!” Elias crowed. “He sounded like he might piss himself! I swear upon Her nine faces I do not miss my eyes at all when I can rout a slip-tongued idiot like that one.”

“If you’re finished,” I said, calming my laughter enough to redirect our attention back to the field. “We really ought to come up with a better plan than ‘ride over them all’. They’re your countrymen, Elias.”

“No, Elodie, they’re not,” he said, and he looked up, and off into a distance only his ruined eyes could comprehend. “They’re hers, now.”

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