DeathWatch No. 128 – I Am A Monster

This is Issue #128 of DeathWatch, an ongoing Serial. Click that link to go find ‘A Beginning’ and read from there, if you need to catch up.

Happy Reading!

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* * *

“Nngh, pets are exhausting,” Immanis declared, looking irritable as he nursed a glass of aetheris.

Gemma laughed aloud, shaking her head, and she and Secta looked smirkingly at Jet, who looked surprised.

Lucida frowned, saying, “What are you babbling about, brother? And you, my jewel, why are you smiling at my caro?”

Jet busied himself looking at his breakfast, not meeting her eyes, while Immanis rolled his — Gemma and Secta only laughed again, which proved to make Lucida quite irritable. “Really, now,” she hissed. “This won’t do. If there is a private joke–”

“It is only as private as your affair with your handmaiden,” Immanis said, pouring the rest of his aetheris into his mouth and swallowing roughly.

Gemma’s lips pressed into a thin line, while Lucida paled, gripping the table. “I don’t know what you’ve h–”

“I’m sleeping with your husband, sister,” Immanis said, once he’d swallowed the aetheris, cutting her off. “He is my lover, and while I may need to keep it from the common people, who have never understood our predilections, I will not insult you by hiding it from you any longer. You might as well not pretend for my sake, about Gemma.”

There was stunned silence at the table, for a bit. “Well, then,” Secta sighed. “What manner of dish goes with awkward conversation?”

Jet laughed aloud, and promptly turned to clap Secta on the back, looking rather amused. He then wondered of Immanis, “Am I exhausting you, then? Should I leave you be for an evening, to regain your strength?”

Immanis laughed, shaking his head. “Absolutely not.” He caught a look from Secta, just then, and gave the subtlest of nods before he said, “I was referring to the Westlanders who’ll be in the hunt. They require an inordinate amount of coddling so they will not destroy themselves before they have a chance to run.” He paused for a moment, and reached to lay a hand over Jet’s, then looked to the others in the room, quietly saying, “Leave us.”

Jet watched Gemma, Lucida, and Secta leave the room quickly, and turned back to Immanis, his brows lifted. “Are you well?”

“You gifted me with people from your home. I will hunt them as animals. I am beyond well. What I would like to know is whether you are, my darling Jet,” Immanis said, pulling the Guardian of Ilona into his arms. “You are… more cavalier regarding the lives of your former countrymen than I might’ve imagined.”

“They are neither my friends, nor my family. They are responsible for the deaths of thousands. Thousands of those who are, in fact, my countrymen. In learning to be Ilona’s guardian, my Prince, I have learned much of the Westlanders’ history that was not made available to me in my youth. I learned of your bloodline and how so many years ago, the Luminora had been but a low ridge. How the Westlanders ran in shame and anger from all that these lands could offer. How a small minded few believed your ancestors meddled in what they should not. How I had been raised to hate you, to hate this place — this place where we had come from,” he says. “Truly, Immanis, I have always been Ilonan in my heart, and I do not love the Westlanders. They seek to tear you down. They would destroy all of this — all they came from, in the name of fear and jealousy. You will give them weapons, and you will let them run, and if they reach a border, they will be free. It is a fair and fighting chance for those who gave neither to our kin,” Jet said, gritting his teeth, looking furious. “Westlanders still die of the pox. They drink and die from rodwater. They would call your ability inhuman, and label you, as I had, in my folly, a monster.”

Immanis reached up a hand to touch Jet’s cheek. “My love,” he said quietly, sadly. “I am a monster. I am a monstrous thing. I take life, and I do not do it only because it is necessary to maintain a sense of awe amongst my subjects. I do it because it thrills me to. I must not lie to you, and I will see if you will love me, in any case.”

Jet leaned in and pressed his lips against Immanis’s, sudden and fierce. “I love you,” he promised, kissing him again. “My Prince. Immanis, I will love you in all things,” he said lowly, urgently, against Immanis’s mouth. “You yourself have admitted you cannot make me love you — and so you must believe me, and celebrate when I promise you I choose it,” he said, pulling back and stroking Immanis’s cheek. “Even in your monstrous ways, I love you,” Jet said, sweeping an arm across the table, pushing things aside, moving to lay Immanis against the polished wood, and bring his mouth to Immanis’s bare chest. “Bathed in blood, with the world at your feet, mea princeps perfecta, immanis, quam te adoro,” Jet said softly, kissing a line down Immanis’s belly.

Immanis looked down to Jet’s kohl-ringed eyes, and slid his hands into Jet’s hair. He tipped his head back and uttered a quiet sigh that ended in a lazy, delighted laugh. “My lover, the warrior-poet of Ilona. Love me always, my Jet. Love me, and we shall conquer the West and rule it all in the name of our glorious–” Immanis’s voice broke, and his eyes fluttered shut as he lay back, panting. For a moment, his voice was lost entirely. When it came back, it was ragged, sighing, “…country.”

“I don’t mean to conquer the west,” Jet said quietly, lifting his head and licking his lips.

“You don’t?” Immanis gasped, glancing down in a moment of bewildered, breathless confusion.

Jet’s smile was dark and hungry. He watched Immanis’s face for some time, embedded the lush swell of his lover’s open lips against his mind’s eye. Finally, he said, “No, my love. I mean us to hold the world in our hands, I mean us to bite into it and devour it entirely.”

As Immanis’s head tipped back — his laughter dissolving into a long, low cry — Jet bowed his again.

* * *

NEXT

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Phantoms

Disastrous and wounding;
there are layers of toxicity
confounding all the potential hope between us.
How can I possibly fix things
if you won’t even let me talk?
Put away your gun words,
your knife words,
your fist words, even
and don’t let a tongue lashing
come between us.

I hide in ways
you’ll never seek to find me;
the ocean
of all my thought-things
is more real than you prefer to believe.

I’m frightened of you
and your fists.
I’m frightened of you
and your fury.

I’m frightened of you.

Go and tell my brothers again
how you will be
the man to tame me,
go and tell them.
Stand at their graves
and promise the strength we both know fails us
and leaves us damaged.

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DeathWatch No. 127 – Have You Seen Me Die?

This is Issue #127 of DeathWatch, an ongoing Serial. Click that link to go find ‘A Beginning’ and read from there, if you need to catch up.

Happy Reading!

PREVIOUS

* * *

It had been days. They had not come up for air. Platters of food sat mostly untouched, while water, wine, and aetheris had been consumed in vast quantities. Jet and Immanis had each spent themselves many times in their exertions, only drinking when their lips were too dry for kissing, refusing to pause in their coupling, even for a moment, as though they could not bear the thought of being still, or letting go, but instead had to not only touch, but actively touch and praise one another.

The wedding party, the feasting, the revelry — it continued without any of the guests of honor, and no one was the worse off for it. Instead, the people of Ilona celebrated like they never had before, congratulating themselves on binding a god-like protector to their city.

“Surely,” citizens cried, “if the Guardian is wed to our Princess, she will bear him a child, and that child will be our salvation!”

Men and women all over the country speculated on how quickly the Princess might grow fat with the Guardian’s heirs, all the while with no idea their Princess lay tangled with her handmaiden, lovers for years, with no intention whatsoever of laying with the Guardian — and even against Gemma’s advice, had no intention of conceiving a child with him.

* * *

“The floor,” Immanis said, “is not half as comfortable as my bed.” He stretched and began to detangle from the warm, pliant body that had wrapped around him. He ached, groaning as he shifted, twisting to free himself, rolling over beneath his lover.

“You’re twice as comfortable than your bed,” Jet retorted sleepily, shifting to pin Immanis down, leaning to kiss him soundly. “Good morning, your majesty,” he whispered.

The kiss itself was slow and sweet, lasting until Immanis bit Jet’s lip, chuckling lowly. “Good morning, my Guardian,” he purred. He smiled as he moved to get out of the way, but then his eyes widened, and he flinched, sucking in a breath through his teeth, rolling over as he felt cool morning air touch him in places that hadn’t been exposed while they lay curled together.

“Are you — are you hurt?” Jet wondered, his brows lifting, concern painting his face with tension. “Did I–”

“Hush,” Immanis whispered, admonishing Jet. “I’m not hurt. Merely sore. Not used to such exertions,” he said quietly. “We’ve been at this for days, and I am still certain there are ways I have yet to kiss you and watch your toes curl. But first let me up; I’ve to use the toilet — you’re laying on me funny.”

Jet blushed, pulling back, and watched Immanis walk away, naked, lit in deep coppers by the burning braziers, and in pale gold by the sun pouring in the windows. He got up and moved to crawl into the as-yet unused bed, intending to be awake and pleased for when Immanis returned — but he fell asleep nearly instantly, tangled in the perfect, clean sheets.

When Immanis returned, he paused at the bedside and grinned amusedly. “My love,” he said quietly, and lifted the sheets to lay them more carefully around Jet. “Rest well,” he whispered, and lingered for a time to watch the sleeping man, until he finally made preparations to leave the chambers. He dressed himself carefully, watching Jet, and laid the gentlest of kisses on his lips, before he left.

When he opened the door to his chambers, he saw Secta there, exhausted and pleased, all at once.

Secta turned, smiling faintly, and said, “Your Majesty. Your seer was delivered to its private chambers, if you wish to visit it. It has been given food and water, but does not appear to have attempted to rest or relieve itself.”

“I believe I will,” Immanis said, reaching to lay a hand on Secta’s shoulder. “Don’t think I don’t know how instrumental you have been in making certain the wedding plans worked well,” he said. “You have been everything your family promised, and more.”

Secta’s cheeks darkened with a flush of pride and embarassment. He cleared his throat, glancing away, and said, “You honor me with your words, Majesty. I thank you for your attention; I hope to serve you and my master long and well.”

“I imagine you shall, Secta,” Immanis said, nodding. “Remain here. I think, after these last few days, our Guardian shall sleep for some time, but if he wakes before I return, I would prefer he remained here. Have him entertained in any fashion that seems appropriate, but I command that you not let him leave.”

“Yes, your Majesty,” Secta promised, bowing low, flushed with pride, a renewed sense of purpose and energy suffusing him.

* * *

Kieron knelt on the floor of the beautiful room, still wearing shackles, still bloodied. When the door opened, he curled up tighter, lifting his head to look toward who might be coming in. So far, it had been servants with food and water, accompanied by guards — they stayed away from him, let him be, but this time, when the door opened, the person entering seemed to have no intention of leaving him be. Kieron looked up, staring at the man he knew to be the Prince of Ilona, and as the man came closer and closer, he skittered back, panicked, lifting a hand in defense, shying away from contact, bleating, “I don’t know anything!”

“Oh, but my little pet, you certainly do,” Immanis laughed. He smiled down at Kieron, and crouched, reaching out to touch his shoulder gently. “Relax, boy,” he murmured. “Please me, and all will be well.”

Kieron, who only moments before had felt a panic surging up within him, felt the warmth of the Prince’s touch, and immediately began to calm, breathing slowly and deeply. “Yes… yes, Majesty,” he promised. He couldn’t help but stare at the Prince; he’d never seen a more beautiful man, never wanted so completely to do anything for him, obey any order, to please him entirely. He knelt before the Prince, his hands on his knees.

“You were wounded,” Immanis says, looking at Kieron’s face, fingers reaching to touch the black threads. “You have pulled the stitches,” he murmurs. “This will result in a scar.”

“My Quartermaster struck me,” Kieron said, feeling helpless.

“It brings you character,” Immanis answered. “Your face was boyish. Too soft.”

“Is it better, now?” Kieron said, hearing less-than-satisfaction in Immanis’s words. His heart was in his throat as he asked, “Shall I scar it again, your Majesty? How shall I change my skin to please you?”

“Nevermind that. The scar will do. You have visions,” Immanis said quietly, changing the subject abruptly. “I want you to tell me of them. I want to know if your sight affects you the way it affects my sister’s handmaiden.”

“I… I don’t know if they affect me as they affect your sister’s handmaiden. It’s only recently I had any idea anyone but me has had this kind of sight. I’ve had them as long as I can remember,” Kieron said, the words tumbling out in a rush. “I’ve been able to see the deaths of others. I live it. I go through the last moments of their life before they are killed or die in some fashion. It is not under my control, your majesty — the visions come without me bidding, and will not come, otherwise, or go away, when I will it,” he explains, wringing his hands. “It’s how I ended up here. I ran away from home to–”

“Enough,” Immanis said, flicking his hand impatiently.

Kieron closed his mouth so quickly, his teeth clacked together; he nearly bit his own tongue. He watched Immanis with hungry eyes, desperate to prove himself. Needing so badly to make certain he could please the man in front of him.

“Have you seen me die?” Immanis wondered cautiously of Kieron.

“No,” Kieron breathed, his eyes widening in fear. “Not that I know of; no, never.”

“Will you serve me, little pet?” Immanis whispered.

“Yes, your Majesty,” Kieron promised immediately.

“Good,” Immanis chuckled. “Go wash yourself. You will find clothing in this room. Eat and rest — dress appropriately. Entertain yourself during your waking hours. You will not leave these rooms. If you have a vision, you are to call for a Guard to notify me, and then report it to me, and only me, immediately. Do you understand?”

“Yes, your Majesty,” Kieron promised, breathless.

“You are mine now,” Immanis said, reaching out to touch Kieron’s face.

Something in his heart rebelled against the idea, but against the Prince’s blood, it could not form any real defiance. He shuddered, nodding, and began to wring his hands, watching Immanis get up and leave. “Yours,” Kieron said, though tears welled up. Well down within him, something screamed, rattled its cage and refused, but could not crawl up to the light behind Kieron’s eyes, could not stop the lips and tongue from making the promise: “I am yours, now.”

* * *

NEXT

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Circular Reference

Every fall down,
every crash,
she is there with strong hands
and impatient heart;
even if those hands are barbed
and the heart is filthy,
the frame is sturdy,
and it will hold up —
it holds up even the metro,
even the black bough.
It holds up even the spangled funereal dress,
and the ocean floor
full of yellow pincer-crabs.

God but it even holds up an unaware thief’s infant shoes,
and anise-flavored drinks
against long white dunes.

It holds up even the warm dry hole under the hill,
and it holds up the storm drain
with the paper boats and the red balloons.

It holds up everything
and props itself up against
the sign for Mercy Street,
and when the familiar strains can be heard,
she closes her eyes
and tips her head back
and lets the rain come.

She will never be washed clean or new;
she will never know an undoing that sets her free —
but she will take hold of the rags
of all the wheels within wheels,
the worlds within worlds,
and she will lash together
a dread machine made of blood and ink,
of pixel and steam,
of shadow and flesh,
and it will take its first breath,
birthed of her unholy heart,
and it will keen
for all it has never known, but loves
with the full-heart history
of a living thing
created of made-real dreamstuff
and dying breaths.

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Wait

She woke to the feeling
of cool fall air on her skin,
and the whisper of leaves fluttering near,
like an aspen or cottonwood’s rattle,
and her eyes strained to see,
and because so much had been
in her minds’ eye,
it took her quite some time to realize
her eyes didn’t work,
and she couldn’t see at all.
She couldn’t hear.
She could feel the wind, though.
She could feel the whisper of the leaves.
She could feel the damp coming,
the rain coming,
the tears coming.
She could feel with her toes
that weren’t toes
and her outstretched arms
that weren’t outstretched arms
that it was much, much too long
since the last time she had awakened.
Leaves had fallen ten times or more.
Delicate flowers
were overgrown with wild vines,
and mosses had become
thick blankets,
inviting,
but promising the fairies of old
would come to claim you,
make you forget.
She ached to stretch her limbs,
to tip her head back and laugh,
to look down at who might be laid at her feet,
but all she could do
was wait,
and wait,
and feel.

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