Return 16

Life moved on. We moved on. Families and children grew. Gardens and flocks thrived. Somehow, amidst the rubble of the world, we refugees made life. There were green things growing, pink babies squalling, clear water singing — life happened. It sprung forth with its own beauty.

We were happy.

Other than what we needed to know to save ourselves from immediate danger, we forgot the past, sloughing it off; it was too dark, too heavy to wear into our bright future.

The past had other ideas. When we shed it as an old skin, it filled itself in, becoming its own.

And then it came back for us.

We woke to the sound of Luroteo’s screams. We rushed down to his hut at the water’s edge, where he had lived for as long as we could remember, but by the time we managed to get inside, he had roused, and was awake, shaken, but no longer crying out. He looked exhausted, haunted, but could not explain to us his distress; nothing in his lonely room seemed amiss, though once everyone left, headed back to their own warm beds, he discovered the shimmering feather beneath his pillow.

That night, as the blood moon rose, he went to the Captain’s quarters, and let himself in.

They spoke of the day the world shook, and how all things fell, and were rendered unto dust. They spoke of the feather and its significance, the creature that fell from the heavens during their pilgrimage across the Desolation, Songfall itself, the task of the children, Enim’s birth, the camp’s divide, the beasts from the earth, Riesa’s song, Enim’s death, and finally, trembling fingers holding to the feather, the disappearance of the fallen thing, and the contentedness that had settled over their people.

What could it all mean?

They talked through moon rise, and took turns looking out the window, watching the red light spill over the dark lands. In the end, they fell asleep, each holding each, both with fingers clasping the shimmering feather, listening to it whisper in their dreams.

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In honor of 100 followers and 200 posts…

…I present to you the following hilarity.

The top searches that lead to my fiction include the phrase:

“What’s it like falling in love?”

Whoever you are, I AM SO. SO. SORRY.

* * *

When we hit 200 followers, I will post a link to my greatest audio hits which may or may not include a poetry reading of a takeout menu from my favorite Indian restaurant.

[[UPDATE]] Now that I realize that I’ve already actually got over 300 followers because of FB and Twitter (Hmmmm, minion army), I must renegotiate: You will receive a ‘greatest hits’ album after 500 followers. You can either start promoting, OR live in a world where you never have to listen to me cover a Deathboy and Idina Menzel mashup.

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Return 15

Though the walk was long, the way was not unfamiliar. We had left a trail through the rubble, where our boots and feet wore against the stone grass and pushed the pebbles and ash away from our marching line. Parched, aching, exhausted, we kept on. We returned, shoulders bent, hands empty, hearts heavy, not knowing what we would find. The creature’s expression upon pointing us home had been both love and shame, a guardian, disappointed.

It was night as we crested the last hill, and looked out at Songfall, below, the glimmering pool, the cookfires, the warm glow of the camp beckoning.

We ran as children do, excited, hurrying to the garden and the small huts, hopeful to see our little ones. Though our numbers had been lessened, and our pride had been burned away by our fear, we were eager, imagining that they had been returned to us — and they had, joyous day.

Had we but known.

The Captain and Luroteo neither welcomed us, nor turned us away, but it was our children whose attitudes shook our hearts. They looked upon us, their hollow eyes without trust, and they refused our arms, our comforts, our love. When we asked why, we also learned why our winged protector had looked at us with such sadness, when pointing us home.

The children would not tell us, would not reveal the source of their upset, and clung to one another, rather than sit in our laps and cuddle in our arms. In the end, it was Luroteo who bore the sad telling.

He led us to the pool itself, down near where the fallen thing had sung its last. He took up a cup of the clear, singing waters, and walked a path away from Songfall, a path too worn for comfort, to a circle cleared of all, where we had laid to rest our sickest, our eldest, those whose time was over. There, within the clusters of rock, he poured out the cup against the tiniest pile of stones, a cairn.

Big enough only for one.

She had died hungry, unable to be fed, as her mother had left to search for her. Only the Captain and Luroteo had remained, and they could do nothing for the little one, even as its cries had dimmed. The Captain explained that the water from the pool had sustained it for a time, but without proper food, it simply failed to thrive. The other full-bellied women clutched at their bodies in terror and loss, and the wailing that came from the bereft exceeded even the song that the fallen one could sing for them, that night.

Over the next few days, the mother pled with the creature, begged, wept, tore at her clothes and beat her breast in agony, and at last, laid herself around the cairn, putting her cheek to the stone that bore Enim’s name. In the end, a second cairn had to be built. We did not move her, but instead built it in a curve around Enim’s, the hollow at her belly fitting to her daughter’s stones, and all overlaid by new ones, until each of us had put a hand on the grave.

The weeks that followed brought yet more births; the cries of infants and joyous mothers once more filled the camp. As women grew round in season, they visited Enim and her mother, and laid a pebble on the cairn, in remembrance, as a sort of pilgrimage, to honor those who had gone before. The air gentled, and the garden thrived. Our birds and flocks grew.

Life moved on.

We dared to celebrate.

The children left in the morning, and came back at night, even the infants.

Now and again, a child was left behind, usually one of the eldest. That child was taken in by Riesa, who held it as it wept to be cast aside, who washed its tears and gave it work for grown hands and thoughts for grown hearts.

In that time, we did not realize the winged creature had left us to our own devices — even Luroteo, who had once spent weeks at its side, contemplating the pool, was occupied by other tasks and did not seem to recognize the difference.

It was only the Captain that ached, who clutched his feather at night, who dreamt of a forgotten child alone in the red dark, and knew what we had lost.

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Rhythm & Guts

The heart of me is all torn up, my throat has caught on fire, like I could pull my insides out and watch the flames get higher. Everything now tastes of blood, or ash, or hate, or lies — I cannot speak, I cannot think, for screams behind my eyes. I need a sign, need anything, to make some sense of this — of what I’m feeling, what I see, what kind of hell this is. I’ll carve away my demons; I’ll bleed away the dark. I’ll have some satisfaction, or tear myself apart.

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Rhythm & Guts

The heart of me is all torn up, my throat has caught on fire, like I could pull my insides out and watch the flames get higher. Everything now tastes of blood, or ash, or hate, or lies — I cannot speak, I cannot think, for screams behind my eyes. I need a sign, need anything, to make some sense of this — of what I’m feeling, what I see, what kind of hell this is. I’ll carve away my demons; I’ll bleed away the dark. I’ll have some satisfaction, or tear myself apart.

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