This week's top searches that landed you weirdos on my blog include:

Posted on May 9, 2014 by Catastrophe Jones

‘too late 2014 world catastrophe coming’ — Yeah, you’re probably right. It’s been foretold my coming would end the world.
‘thinking too much solution’ — I prefer scotch, but hey, if you prefer my writing, by all means.
‘fucking in bed’ — Bo-ring. Pick somewhere else to fuck, yeah?
‘is ‘hie stranger’ flirting?’ — Maybe? I’m strange. Come say ‘hie’ to my face and we’ll find out.

And then there’s all the encrypted searches that people get while using Google.
Pity I will never know what lurks in the hearts of Google users.

That’s all right — I’m sure you’re all weirdos, too.

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This week’s top searches that landed you weirdos on my blog include:

Posted on May 9, 2014 by Catastrophe Jones

‘too late 2014 world catastrophe coming’ — Yeah, you’re probably right. It’s been foretold my coming would end the world.
‘thinking too much solution’ — I prefer scotch, but hey, if you prefer my writing, by all means.
‘fucking in bed’ — Bo-ring. Pick somewhere else to fuck, yeah?
‘is ‘hie stranger’ flirting?’ — Maybe? I’m strange. Come say ‘hie’ to my face and we’ll find out.

And then there’s all the encrypted searches that people get while using Google.
Pity I will never know what lurks in the hearts of Google users.

That’s all right — I’m sure you’re all weirdos, too.

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Far away

Posted on May 9, 2014 by Catastrophe Jones

He walked off the plane, stumbled into the rental car checkout, dozed his way through the insanity of paperwork, and came to, somewhere on the highway, headed north. The blasted landscape around him doesn’t seem to realize it’s spring, and so continued to wearily trudge through the last aching month of winter over and over and over again, even though nearly everywhere else reasonable had found buds on the trees, shoots in the lawn, and a distinct lack of ice over the ponds and streams.

Here in the frozen tundra, he thought to himself, the natives must employ a variety of ways to keep themselves amused at any given time during the day, or the unending grey of the sky will at some point weigh so heavily on their brains they’ll simply lapse into drooling catatonia and–

He woke with a violent jerk; the car swerving before he consciously understands. His open eyes alerted his dozing mind of the danger before his unconscious will to survive could wake him, and that’s the only reason he doesn’t simply crash headlong into the car parked in front of him, in the middle of the road, doors open, flashers on. He parked his own car, but didn’t turn it off, and left the door wide open as he walked toward the deserted car, looking around at the fog, the afternoon, the deserted nature of the road on which he found himself, and wondered why there wasn’t more traffic on the highway, even as he approached the car, confused and curious.

It was empty of any people except for the carseat in the back, containing an infant in a pale peach snowsuit, sleeping soundly, and so he stood up and looked around once more, and tentatively called out, “Hello?” His voice cracked on the first try, sounding paper-thin and pubescent. “Hello!” he shouted, hoping to reach whoever might have simply wandered off, in case they were absurdly within the tree line, having a piss or something like.

The baby remained sleeping in its pale peach snowsuit, and there was no answer from the empty afternoon except for the faintest echoes of his own voice.

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More Dialogue (Alternates)

Posted on May 8, 2014 by Catastrophe Jones

“Hey.”
“You wanted to meet me?”
“Only for a sec. I won’t take up too much of your time.”
“Go for it.”
“Listen. I know every year, around Christmas and New Years you’re about as functional as Lor with a case of Glenmorangie, and I know the holidays hit you like a mack truck full of bricks, but I need you to tone down your concerned snark, when it comes to Grace.”
“Excuse me?”
“The way you want her to do what you say, so you say shit to her that’s fucked up, in an attempt to make her see your way?”
“Listen, Deosar, I don’t know what you think I’ve been saying to her–”
“Shut up, Brightman. Let me finish. I didn’t come for a discussion.”
“That’s your problem, you know. You want everything your way, without excuses or explanations. You’ve been that way since your father was alive. Since you were a child. You’re spoiled, and that’s how you lost Annie to begin with.”
“You done now?”
“No, I’m not fucking done. You’re an irresponsible toerag with a penchant for indulgence and hedonism, and you finally pushed someone too far and then you had to pay the consequences, but shit, she had to pay for them a whole lot more than you.”
“…”
“…”
“You’re out of line.”
“…”
“Takes a man to admit it. Want me to give you a second to find yourself?”
“…I’m listening.”
“I fucked up with Annie. I treated her like shit, and I was selfish, and I have spent the last two decades of my life searching for her forgiveness, but you know what? Annie’s gone. Annie’s gone, Simon, and she can never forgive me to my face. But she loved me, as awful as I was to her. And I loved her, as awful as I was to her. And I know she’d have forgiven me, by now, if not long before.”
“…”
“The same way she’d forgive you.”
“…”
“Now let Grace be, Simon. Let us be, and forgive yourself. That’s all I’m saying.”
“…”
“I gotta go. Let me know when you need us packed.”
“…right.”

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The Autumn Queen No. 1 – Elodie

Posted on May 7, 2014 by Catastrophe Jones

This is #1 of The Autumn Queen, an experimental bit of serial fiction about warring factions of elves in a land without sun.

* * *

When the guards burst in, I had my back to the door, and Kellis was only inches away, hand on his sword. “Why are you doing this?” he hissed in my face, narrowing his eyes. “What could you possibly have to gain from saying these things?”

Before I could answer him, three of my men were grappling him, pulling him back and away. He was raving all the while, but they managed to wear him down, pinning him to the stone floor in a puddle of cold moonlight. “Do you even remember what it was like?” he wondered, panting, breath become plumes of misting silver in the chill room. “Do you remember, at all, the court of the Autumn Queen? You were there, Elodie!” he shouted at me, twisting, straining, turning to look up over his shoulder at me as the guards tightened the shackles on his wrists.

“I wasn’t,” I said numbly, shaking my head in denial.

“You were there!” Kellis raged, his eyes wild, his muscles trembling as he fought against his captors. For one terrifying moment, he broke free of them, and lunged for me. His teeth were bared in a snarl of hatred I didn’t want to understand. “Liar!”

“I’m sorry, Kel,” I whispered, looking at him, shaking my head. My eyes stung, but now was not the time. I glanced to the Lieutenant, who looked stone-faced, and said, “Take him to Elias. My brother will… handle… him.”

“Traitor!” Kellis screamed. I could see the cords standing out on his neck. “TRAITOR!”

“Yes, Commander,” the Lieutenant said, nodding. He and the guards dragged the struggling knight back and away from me; it took four of them to subdue his fury. I closed the door behind them and continued my ascent to the tower, putting as many steps between myself and the sound of betrayal as I could.

* * *

NEXT

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