Playing

She’s playing and she sways and rocks and coaxes music from the living, breathing animal that sings in her lap, her dark eyes lifting to focus on his face, a brilliant smile curving her lips.

It’s always been a key –

(a cigarette-scented woman in a thin shirt and what was once one of his ties, too-thin hands earnestly rewrapping ribs, shaking hands petting the broken body of a mangy cat, hands within the ritual of lighting a cigarette, hands opening a paper bag unwrapping a bottle of very old scotch)

– that opened up a place in her, in him, where there might’ve been the
smallest connect, but it was there.

She plays, occasionally singing to the crowd, la la las and yeah yeahs and actual lyrics and laughter, and she plays as though she’s tireless, because she’s got that key –

(little black rectangle and it just felt wrong and the way she danced for him and the smell of peaches and constellation eyes and the purple green spotted towel and singing roses and a castle inside a forest on the edge of a waterfall of souls all inside a drawing on a wall where a girl with invisible wings tries to remember what it was like to fly)

– that seems to open it up inside the passers by: that woman with the tangles of dark, curly hair, and a single, bright white sneaker, walking a little black mop of a scottydog, an older man with a shock of white hair and the spectacles and demeanor of an stern, fatherly doctor, a younger man, tall, with indigo tattoos and storm-purple eyes, and a look that goes right through you, and a scrap of a thing, too tall, too thin, ducking by, avoiding touch and hiding her face, the faded ribbon tangle of her hair fitting with her tattered clothes and the look of honest longing on her face as she steals one last glance at the guitar, broken hands dangling uselessly at her sides.

…and life’s worth loving, anyhow.

And she’s playing.

Posted in Fiction, Flash | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

After The News

She had run, sick with grief, all the way home. The announcement had come without regard to the news cycle; she wasn’t ready for something like this.

A hundred thousand thoughts and feelings ran through her. Anger like fire. Misery like a flood. She banged open the door and came in like a hurricane, grasping hands like fists, desperately wanting to hang on, or to hit something so hard it broke.

He wasn’t there.

He hadn’t been there.

He wouldn’t be there.

She uttered a short, awful scream that sounded somewhere between begging and raging, and shoved the couch so hard it put a hole in the plaster wall. Once she realized she’d done it, she burst into tears and crammed her fist in her mouth, wailing and trying to silence herself all at once.

She staggered off to the bed that was cold and hadn’t smelled of him in years, and laid out one of his suits amidst the rumpled sheets. Kicking off her boots, she crawled in.

She laid her head to where his chest would have been, and listened to her own ragged heartbeat, pretending it was his.

Posted in Fiction, Flash | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

DeathWatch No. 129 – Listen To Me

This is Issue #129 of DeathWatch, an ongoing Serial. Click that link to go find DeathWatch, then click on ‘#0 – A Beginning’ and read from there, if you need, or find the last # you remember, and go from there, to catch up.

Happy Reading!

PREVIOUS

* * *

“You did not tell him you were keeping a Westlander as a seer,” Secta said, standing outside the Prince’s rooms, as Immanis left, with Jet sleeping in his bed once more.

“You appeared to be in agreement with that being my decision,” Immanis said, looking to Secta, narrowing his eyes.

Secta’s own eyes widened; he stared up at Immanis, wringing his hands briefly, and said, “He would ask why you spared one. Why you would not speak with Gemma. And You would only be able to answer that you worried of his death, or yours. You don’t wish him to worry for either thing. I am in complete agreement for this.” Secta felt his heart in his throat; he had already heard of Gemma’s prediction. He knew the Prince was not long for the world — that Jet would succeed him. If Jet were able to ask the seer questions — he might try to intervene. Nothing would be worse than the Guardian of Ilona challenging fate. “Will you visit him, then?”

“I am headed there. Keep my Jet here. I will not be long,” Immanis said, nodding to Secta.

At once, Secta lifted his jaw, smiling, and held still, waiting. Proud for the praise implied in being asked to do more for the Prince, eager and watchful.

Immanis walked briskly down the hall, in a hurry to get to his seer, and return to the arms of his lover.

* * *

Kieron felt sick to his stomach. At every entrance, he’d stiffened, looking to the door, wondering if He would come in again. The Prince. When He did not, Kieron settled, looking lost. The shackles had been removed. He cleaned himself up. Dressed in the Ilonan fashion — but he had not had a single vision. He didn’t watch anyone’s death. He hadn’t seen one in quite some time. They had been coming in rapid succession since Hoyt — but then, since Ilona… nothing. He had nothing to show for being spared. He could tell the Prince nothing.

Immanis entered the chambers, looking narrow-eyed with determination. “Tell me, little pet. Did you work out some kind of deal with the soldier? He said he would save you, and mentioned all you’d need to do was pretend you’d have visions?”

“No! No, your Majesty,” Kieron said, looking frantic. He raked his hair back from his face, wincing at his stitches, tears in his eyes. “No, please. I have had them. I’ve had them my whole life. They have… they ruined everything,” he explained. “I will have one. I will, your Majesty. And as soon as I do, I will call for you. I beg of you, please believe me.”

“You have another two weeks, at which point I will put you in the hunt,” Immanis said archly. “If you cannot satisfy me with a vision, you will satisfy me in your fear.”

Kieron nodded, gasping, looking frantic. “I will do my best, Majesty, I swear it.”

Immanis turned to go, nodding to Kieron, and Kieron was left alone in the room again, with only his thoughts.

“Please please please,” Kieron whispered, walking back and forth, pacing. “Oh please,” he begged whatever universal force might listen. “I need this. I am here. I am finally here, in Ilona, and I am in the home of the Prince, and if I can gain his favor in any way…”

If I can gain his favor in any way, perhaps I will learn of Jet’s fate.

Kieron got no sleep the night before, and got none this night, determined to push his body to whatever extreme might bring on further visions; he ate only enough to keep from being sick, and began to contemplate bleeding himself, or wounding himself in some way to shock his mind back into its usual practice of betraying him.

“Now it’s betraying me by not betraying me,” he said aloud, and then laughed madly, until he sobbed.

* * *

“You want me to wear what?” Jules hissed.

“Nothing,” Coryphaeus said quietly, watching her. She bristled like a cat that had been splashed with cold water. “Except a collar bearing my house sigil.”

“No,” Jules said, laughing sharply. “Absofuckinglutely not on your life,” she hissed. “I’ll do it as soon as you do it.”

“So we’re in agreement, then,” Coryphaeus said, rolling his eyes.

“You’re going to go to court naked?” Jules asked, looking smug.

“Absolutely not,” Coryphaeus whispered. “You are. You’re the slave. I am your master. I’ll decide what you wear, and you’ll wear it.”

Kak. Yebat,” Jules snarled, opening her mouth to follow up on the Kriegic scorn.

In his chambers, Coryphaeus whirled, reaching for her. Long, thin fingers curled over Jules’s shoulder, and Coryphaeus moved in quickly. He leaned in his lips near her ear. “When we are alone, bear in mind any misbehavior on your part can be overlooked, on mine. However, Commander, you are lax. You will behave too out of control when I take you in,” he hisses.

Jules’s eyes were wide as she tried to pull back from Coryphaeus’s hand. She trembled when he pulled her close, and she listened, shaking, and finally nodded. “Yes, Legatus,” she whispered. She resented the way he pressed his advantage while claiming to be a good man who was trying to save her.

“Listen to me,” Coryphaeus sighed, releasing her.

Jules had grown to hate that phrase. Inevitably, he explained himself in a fashion that ended up making him sound ultimately reasonable, and she found herself doing precisely that which she hadn’t wanted to do. She grimaced, nodding.

“The Prince assumed you would not yet be broken, by your ordeal. That I would have to break you, to make you a worthwhile servant,” Coryphaeus explained. “To remain in the Prince’s good graces, I must show him I’ve done as he advised, and been successful.”

“And you think that means naked? You’d be a terrible master,” Jules said. “Put a collar on me. No chains. Dress me cleanly, plainly, and I’ll walk behind you with my head down.”

Coryphaeus looked dismissive, pursing his lips and trying not to roll his eyes. “Commander,” he sighed. “That’s ridiculous. How would that show you’re broken in any way?”

“I’ll follow your feet,” Jules explained. “Say what you need to say, order me as you see fit in the moment, and I’ll do it. As for chains, nakedness… making me a bloody wreck… I’ll behave as though I needn’t be controlled in that fashion. As though I follow you because I am too owned not to,” she said, looking at Coryphaeus with pale, determined eyes. “I can make the Prince believe I belong to you,” she promised. “Do not put me on display in the fashion you’re suggesting; I’ll be too vulnerable to be of real use to you.”

Coryphaeus opened his mouth to refute her suggestion, but found he couldn’t really find a problem with it, so much as it simply wasn’t his idea, and so he’d been inclined to disregard it. Irritated at himself for being narrowminded, he closed his mouth again and nodded at her, clipped. “Fine then. We’ll find you a collar. But by all that’s sacred, Commander, you had better be able to actually follow orders when I give them, even if in the moment you disagree,” he said, looking not quite certain.

“If you think you can free the surviving soldiers, Legatus,” Jules said, “I can follow your orders unto death.”

* * *

NEXT

Posted in Deathwatch, Fiction, Serial, Template | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

A Nice Life

In his blackdust heart,
a knightly shining fire was born to repeat itself,
born to repeat.
In his mothwing heart,
a brightly screaming song was born to repeat itself,
born to repeat.

We’re all the same, all the same,
from our flesh to our voice,
from our eyes to our hands.
We’re all the same, all the same,
from our blood to our choice,
from our life to our plans.

Everything we’ve ever done was in the name of love.
Everything we’ve ever won was in the name of love.

Who could’ve listened to his magic
and not been changed by what he did,
what he did?
Who could’ve danced with that thin white love
and not been changed by what they saw,
what they saw?

We’re all the same, all the same,
from our flesh to our voice,
from our eyes to our hands.
We’re all the same, all the same,
from our blood to our choice,
from our life to our plans.

Everything we’ve ever done was in the name of love.
Everything we’ve ever won was in the name of love.

And in the silence between his last breath
and the fourth day,
the whole world closed its eyes,
and promised not to look,
if only he’d come back
if only,
if only–

We’re all the same, all the same,
from our flesh to our voice,
from our eyes to our hands.
We’re all the same, all the same,
from our blood to our choice,
from our life to our plans.

Everything we’ve ever done was in the name of love.
Everything we’ve ever won was in the name of love.

if only
if only

Posted in Poetry, Songwriting | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

DeathWatch No. 128 – I Am A Monster

This is Issue #128 of DeathWatch, an ongoing Serial. Click that link to go find ‘A Beginning’ and read from there, if you need to catch up.

Happy Reading!

PREVIOUS

* * *

“Nngh, pets are exhausting,” Immanis declared, looking irritable as he nursed a glass of aetheris.

Gemma laughed aloud, shaking her head, and she and Secta looked smirkingly at Jet, who looked surprised.

Lucida frowned, saying, “What are you babbling about, brother? And you, my jewel, why are you smiling at my caro?”

Jet busied himself looking at his breakfast, not meeting her eyes, while Immanis rolled his — Gemma and Secta only laughed again, which proved to make Lucida quite irritable. “Really, now,” she hissed. “This won’t do. If there is a private joke–”

“It is only as private as your affair with your handmaiden,” Immanis said, pouring the rest of his aetheris into his mouth and swallowing roughly.

Gemma’s lips pressed into a thin line, while Lucida paled, gripping the table. “I don’t know what you’ve h–”

“I’m sleeping with your husband, sister,” Immanis said, once he’d swallowed the aetheris, cutting her off. “He is my lover, and while I may need to keep it from the common people, who have never understood our predilections, I will not insult you by hiding it from you any longer. You might as well not pretend for my sake, about Gemma.”

There was stunned silence at the table, for a bit. “Well, then,” Secta sighed. “What manner of dish goes with awkward conversation?”

Jet laughed aloud, and promptly turned to clap Secta on the back, looking rather amused. He then wondered of Immanis, “Am I exhausting you, then? Should I leave you be for an evening, to regain your strength?”

Immanis laughed, shaking his head. “Absolutely not.” He caught a look from Secta, just then, and gave the subtlest of nods before he said, “I was referring to the Westlanders who’ll be in the hunt. They require an inordinate amount of coddling so they will not destroy themselves before they have a chance to run.” He paused for a moment, and reached to lay a hand over Jet’s, then looked to the others in the room, quietly saying, “Leave us.”

Jet watched Gemma, Lucida, and Secta leave the room quickly, and turned back to Immanis, his brows lifted. “Are you well?”

“You gifted me with people from your home. I will hunt them as animals. I am beyond well. What I would like to know is whether you are, my darling Jet,” Immanis said, pulling the Guardian of Ilona into his arms. “You are… more cavalier regarding the lives of your former countrymen than I might’ve imagined.”

“They are neither my friends, nor my family. They are responsible for the deaths of thousands. Thousands of those who are, in fact, my countrymen. In learning to be Ilona’s guardian, my Prince, I have learned much of the Westlanders’ history that was not made available to me in my youth. I learned of your bloodline and how so many years ago, the Luminora had been but a low ridge. How the Westlanders ran in shame and anger from all that these lands could offer. How a small minded few believed your ancestors meddled in what they should not. How I had been raised to hate you, to hate this place — this place where we had come from,” he says. “Truly, Immanis, I have always been Ilonan in my heart, and I do not love the Westlanders. They seek to tear you down. They would destroy all of this — all they came from, in the name of fear and jealousy. You will give them weapons, and you will let them run, and if they reach a border, they will be free. It is a fair and fighting chance for those who gave neither to our kin,” Jet said, gritting his teeth, looking furious. “Westlanders still die of the pox. They drink and die from rodwater. They would call your ability inhuman, and label you, as I had, in my folly, a monster.”

Immanis reached up a hand to touch Jet’s cheek. “My love,” he said quietly, sadly. “I am a monster. I am a monstrous thing. I take life, and I do not do it only because it is necessary to maintain a sense of awe amongst my subjects. I do it because it thrills me to. I must not lie to you, and I will see if you will love me, in any case.”

Jet leaned in and pressed his lips against Immanis’s, sudden and fierce. “I love you,” he promised, kissing him again. “My Prince. Immanis, I will love you in all things,” he said lowly, urgently, against Immanis’s mouth. “You yourself have admitted you cannot make me love you — and so you must believe me, and celebrate when I promise you I choose it,” he said, pulling back and stroking Immanis’s cheek. “Even in your monstrous ways, I love you,” Jet said, sweeping an arm across the table, pushing things aside, moving to lay Immanis against the polished wood, and bring his mouth to Immanis’s bare chest. “Bathed in blood, with the world at your feet, mea princeps perfecta, immanis, quam te adoro,” Jet said softly, kissing a line down Immanis’s belly.

Immanis looked down to Jet’s kohl-ringed eyes, and slid his hands into Jet’s hair. He tipped his head back and uttered a quiet sigh that ended in a lazy, delighted laugh. “My lover, the warrior-poet of Ilona. Love me always, my Jet. Love me, and we shall conquer the West and rule it all in the name of our glorious–” Immanis’s voice broke, and his eyes fluttered shut as he lay back, panting. For a moment, his voice was lost entirely. When it came back, it was ragged, sighing, “…country.”

“I don’t mean to conquer the west,” Jet said quietly, lifting his head and licking his lips.

“You don’t?” Immanis gasped, glancing down in a moment of bewildered, breathless confusion.

Jet’s smile was dark and hungry. He watched Immanis’s face for some time, embedded the lush swell of his lover’s open lips against his mind’s eye. Finally, he said, “No, my love. I mean us to hold the world in our hands, I mean us to bite into it and devour it entirely.”

As Immanis’s head tipped back — his laughter dissolving into a long, low cry — Jet bowed his again.

* * *

NEXT

Posted in Deathwatch, Fiction, Serial | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment