The day they gave out opportunity,
I imagine I was daydreaming
of some far-off wonderland,
imagining
the crystal waters,
the bluest skies
and greenest meadows,
lush fields
of flower and fruit.
I may have been contemplating you,
and the way your fingers curve,
ferns unfurling
in the warmth of my hand.
I was dreaming so hard
of might’ve-beens
I missed the moment,
missed the mark,
and missed you.
Opportunity
DeathWatch No. 137 – Would You Like A Taste?
This is Issue #137 of DeathWatch, an ongoing Serial. Click that link to go find ‘DeathWatch’ then go to ‘#0 – A Beginning’ and read from there, or go find the issue # you remember, and catch up from there!
Happy Reading!
* * *
Secta gawped, then closed his lips and stood tall, clearing his throat. “We were contemplating the various reasons the Legatus had for choosing that particular Westlander.”
Gemma pursed her lips briefly, but did not contradict the page; she glanced again at Lucida, and smiled faintly.
“It is plain,” Immanis declared. “Coryphaeus bears love in his heart for the paleskinned thing. He will ruin the name of his family if he outright declares it, and so he will be forced to keep the slave as a slave. It will remain close to him, rather than be shepherded out for hard labor or used by the soldiers for whatever purpose. In this fashion, he can have it as he desires, and people will gossip less than if he were to free it and attempt to make it his equal. That would have his family in an uproar. Now, if the two of you would mingle, hm? Make certain the Guardian and his lovely bride are well-escorted, and that our guests have all they desire.”
Secta bowed, and turned to head toward Lucida and Jet — and was somewhat shocked to see Gemma determinedly heading for Jules. “Where are you–” he began, looking for the Prince. Immanis had turned and left them, off to mingle as well; he couldn’t imagine not complying — he followed Gemma and hissed, “What are you doing?”
“Mingling,” Gemma said, looking almost wild with determination. She searched the buffets until she found what she was looking for, pulled a gilded dish of malagranata seeds from the table, looking triumphant. “I have to know,” she said to Secta, and went up to Jules and Coryphaeus, offering them. “Would you like a taste?” she said sweetly to both of them.
“Benigne facis,” Coryphaeus said, picking some with his fingers. “Try them,” he instructed Jules. “The pips are almost sour, but the flesh is a burst of sweet juice,” he said, and promptly ate his own, pleased.
Jules nodded, scooping up the ruby jewels of fruit — she put them on her tongue and chewed thoughtfully, her eyes lighting up in surprise and delight at the texture and sweetness. The instant the juice touched her tongue, she realized she’d had them once or twice before — when she was a little girl. Her mother had brought some home from a tour East. Eager, she took another handful, and ate them happily, nodding to Gemma.
For that instant, to have seen the honest wonder and gratitude on Jules’s face, Gemma felt terrible for what was soon to happen. She set the dish of seeds back on one of the tables without touching any of them; she herself had not eaten malagranata seeds in years, once she’d learned what happened to a seer who ate them. The juice itself was pleasant, and did not often cause trouble, but chewing the pips released a chemical quite similar to aether dust, something Jules might remember, with no small amount of fear. It, too, induced violent convulsions and left the victim nearly comatose while slipping from vision to vision. The only problem was, the chemical could not be washed off to relieve the effects, leaving the victim stuck in their own hellish torment until the seeds left their body.
Coryphaeus smiled at Jules; they shared a look of warmth that Nate had the unfortunate timing of catching. Lucida and the Guardian had just been pulled away by another set of nobles, and were talking animatedly nearby, paying little to no attention to either he, or Sha for the moment. Because the Guardian and his Princess were no longer talking to them, he watched his wife from across the room. His expression flitted between a mixture of longing and determination, and something darker; the way the Ilonan officer acted with her made a low fire wake behind his eyes.
“Y’makin th’face,” Sha said to Nate, whispering an aside to him.
“What face,” Nate growled, not taking his eyes off the pair. It wasn’t a question, really.
“Y’know damn well what face. Th’face that says y’fists itch,” Sha said, and handed him a glass of something cold and fruited. “Now ain’t th’time,” she said.
“Y’been sayin that. When they grabbed us outside the ship. In the camps. In their ship. In the dungeon,” Nate said irritably, and took the glass, making himself smile at the Ilonans who came over to touch his skin, his clothes, and marvel at him in a language in which he only knew a few trade words.
“Ain’t been the time, Quarter,” Sha said lowly, through her teeth, as she smiled as well.
“S’no ship, Sha,” Nathan said, sounding exhausted, trying not to wince as he watched Jules eat fruit and smile with the enemy. “M’no Quarter.”
“Ship or no ship, I will always be your fucking Captain, O’Malley,” Sha hissed, leaning in, her words sharp. A few Ilonans looked half-surprised at her outburst, and laughed and cooed, talking with one another excitedly; their surety at her helplessness infuriated Sha, but she kept it to herself, letting her own inner fire smolder. Not yet. Not yet. Soon, but not yet.
Nate turned to look at her and his expression softened, to see the hurt and anger on her face. “Aye,” he said, nodding in earnest, his eyes widening. “You got orders for me, Captain? Because we’re dead in the sky’n’without our charts.”
“The hunt,” Sha said. “The hunt’s where we can get out of here. They give us weapons, and they’ll turn us loose in a section of the city that’s dedicated wildlands. They’ve got a gated jungle full of cameras and such. The citystate and everyone on this side of the Ridge… they watch, when their Prince hunts. They’ve been looking forward to this. We don’t need to get him; we need to get to a gate. We get out… we’re free. I’m bettin we’re savvy enough to manage that.”
Nate turned his head subtly and looked at the Prince of Ilona, beast that he was, wild-eyed and covered in tattoos and paint. He marveled at the man’s leonine grace, at the cunning and arrogance he saw on his face and frame, and wondered aloud, “What I want to know is… how many of the hunted bet the same thing?”
* * *
Older Than We Think We Are
Remember I remember I remember I
set my blender to eleven
but I only use pulse
I only use it but a moment;
half the world,
half my world is thinned
to blood
and the rest is tectonic plates,
too huge to
do anything but
fit together and be obvious.
I came all this way —
but I came all this way.
I look into your eyes and I
taste the smoke I know
was on your lips.
Why didn’t you stop me?
Why didn’t you save me?
I don’t want you to save me.
If you walked back into my life
right now
it’s even odds I’d
kiss you or kill you.
I miss you.
I hate you.
The elephant in the room
is me.
Everyone stares.
It’s all right; it’s all right —
I’ve always
been this way, my
insides on the outside,
so I’m used to it.
Why don’t you stop me?
Why don’t you save me?
I came all this way.
Nobody owes me
anything.
Sometimes I close my eyes and I
forget to breathe.
None of these things go
together.
I don’t go
together.
I remember
You can’t stop me.
You can’t save me.
DeathWatch No. 136 – Did You See That?
This is Issue #136 of DeathWatch, an ongoing Serial. Click that link to go find ‘DeathWatch’ then go to ‘#0 – A Beginning’ and read from there, or go find the issue # you remember, and catch up from there!
Happy Reading!
* * *
Immanis rolled his eyes, laughing, and turned to look at Jules, saying, “Cover yourself, servus. I don’t imagine our dear Legatus is interested in that kind of slave.”
Coryphaeus’s skin darkened at that statement; he said nothing, but glanced at Jules as she quickly squatted to grab her robes and cover herself, murmuring, “Yes, your Majesty, of course.”
Jules stood back up, replacing her smile as she re-smoothed her clothes — but the smile faltered as her world greyed out. She held quite still for a moment, keeping her expression as neutral as she could; when she could see again, she moved to be closer to Coryphaeus. She nearly bumped against him, saying something quiet to him as her eyes unfocused again, staring out at nothing and no one.
Sharp-eyed Gemma seized Secta’s wrist, hissing, “Did you see that?”
“No,” Secta said, looking around curiously, watching the gathering of the crowd, everyone talking, laughing, even the prisoners eating, talking with the group, even if wary. “What am I looking for?” he asked her.
“The girl’s a seer,” Gemma whispered, shifting to have Secta turn and look at Jules, who still looked slightly unsteady.
While they watched, Coryphaeus touched her gently, fingertips brushing her lower back.
Jules’s face mostly wore an expression of tight control, and when it wavered, it looked faintly nauseated.
“I’m certain of it. That look on her face,” Gemma said, talking lowly so only Secta could hear her.
“She looked dizzy from standing quickly,” Secta dismissed. “Or possibly nauseated from the spectacle her life’s become.”
“No. No, I know it,” Gemma murmured. “I know it.”
Secta was quiet for a time, watching both Coryphaeus and Jules. “The Prince is half-pleased with Coryphaeus because the Legatus pointed out that the boy was a seer,” Secta said. “I never did figure out why he hadn’t conscripted you. You’ve been living in the palace for how long? He knows your gift.”
“Lucida forbade it quite some time ago,” Gemma said. “She told him if he used me in that way, if he profited from my pain, she would never forgive him. This was back before we knew how to use the aetheris to ease the pain of it,” she said, and her face grew grave, serious. “When I was younger, when the visions came, they were a terror. The pain and fear were…” She stopped talking, clearing her throat, and looked around, as though coming back to herself, realizing where she was. “Nevermind,” she said tightly. “Look at her face. Look at her eyes, Secta. Can’t you see it?”
Secta focused, watching the interaction between Coryphaeus and Jules; his expression grew shrewd, and he said, “What I’m seeing is the Legatus, and how he protects her. The Prince has instructed Coryphaeus to care for the gift as though she is a precious thing. Any other master might revere the servus as an object. Legatus Aecus is deliberately behaving as though the servus is not a precious thing, but a precious someone.”
“A scandal, certainly,” Gemma agreed. “But I’m speaking of proditio, Secta. Impietas.”
Secta’s eyes widened, and he glanced at Gemma sidelong. “You believe the brother of two of Ilona’s most celebrated generals, a ranking officer in his own right, who facilitated the wedding gift from the Guardian to the Prince of three hundred enemy soldiers… is plotting treason?”
“I heard there was doubt of his lineage; there are whispers Mirus never had a brother,” Gemma said, shrugging.
“But Summus Nixus claims him proudly,” Secta returned. “The missives from the battlefield proclaim him proudly, almost to the point of taking credit for the entirety of the victories.”
“So you think he’s merely guilty of thinking with his cock,” Gemma snorted. Her dark eyes moved over both Coryphaeus and Jules, and she frowned, pursing her lips. She did not watch them long; eventually, her gaze drifted to where Lucida leaned against Jet, talking boldly with the Captain and Quartermaster of a ship the Ilonans had named the Eburneis Dea, the Ivory Goddess.
“It’s what drives everything, from the politics of nations to the tiniest valued life,” Secta said simply, following her gaze, watching the way she looked upon Lucida, the way Gemma’s eyes softened, the way her lips parted, the way something about her shone, simply to gaze upon the woman she loved. “Desire. It’s what makes us get up, and it’s what makes us fall down,” he sighed, shrugging, and while he imagined she was no longer looking at him, he dared spare a glance toward Jet, and felt the strange pang of his own heart leap.
“Oh, sweet Secta,” Gemma whispered, putting an arm around him, leaning her cheek to his. “He was chosen even before you knew him.”
“And yet,” Secta said, smiling faintly, sadly. “And yet.”
“It is good that you love him well,” Gemma said. “It will make it easier for him.”
“Are you certain, Gemma, on what you’ve seen?” Secta wondered. “And if so… why do you not tell His Majesty?”
“Do you not remember the morning the Guardian threatened your life? Might’ve killed you, if Lucida hadn’t run for her brother?” Gemma said.
“I remember,” Secta said quietly, his cheeks darkening in shame. He knew he failed his master in those moments; he would have given anything to go back and make it right. “I would have let him,” he said miserably. “I would have let him.”
“Thank goodness you didn’t,” Gemma said. “He needs you. He’ll need you even moreso, when–”
Just then, Immanis’s lordly presence could be felt, right behind them. He stood tall and beautiful, dark eyes flashing; his bronze skin gleamed in the light of the palaces torches and chandeliers. His expression was somewhere between predatory and amused, like some great cat ready to toy with its prey. He looked at both Secta and Gemma, his full lips curving, hinting at a smile, somewhat conspiratorial. “And just what are you two gossiping about?”
* * *
The Drop
She looks like she might cry, and that seems to make her more angry than anything else. Thin hands, gloved except for fingertips, curled into whiteknuckled fists. “You… You’re just trying to –” Gritted teeth and pale face except for two flushed cheeks. Tears stinging such dark eyes. “You just–” You’re just trying to make me angry. Don’t you want me to trust you? Are you pushing me away? “Fuck you.” Except she doesn’t mean it. In any of the ways she could.
“I’m not leaving,” she says finally, decisively. “You can be as much of a shit as you want,” she grits. “You’ll have to burn me up to make me disappear,” she tells him, stalking across the room, all six and a half feet of her in those crazy boots. She moves to stand in front of him, her sharp features angry, dark eyes hiding her worry.
Barely.
“It’s already six,” she tells him, shifting to pull out a smoke and a lighter. “We don’t have much longer.”
* * *
Six fifteen, and right now, she should be meeting that ‘redheaded bitch’. Six thirty, and she should have what she needs, and be on her way back. Six forty three and the mostly-contained bomb should only force that single car off the highway, the woman in the back murderous with fury. Or, if they were lucky, her face blown off, and most everyone else in the car half-blind. Either way, the stuff is destroyed, and she should be done. Six-fifty, and there is no call. Just as he’s walking out the door, she comes running up the stairs, looking nauseated and pale, holding a slim briefcase clutched to her chest, one glove missing.
She shoves the briefcase at him and runs past. Right for the john. Still, no TK. None. Shouldn’t it be crawling all over him? What else has he forgotten? She drops to her knees right in front of the toilet bowl, and vomits noisily. Painfully.
She kneels there, and her shoulders hunch as he holds her hair back, hunch as she leans forward to purge herself of… whatever. For whatever reason. When it’s over and she spits, one hand fumbling, the naked one, thin fingers reaching for a washcloth, she rasps, “Never have to worry about her again.” She hunches again, making a strange hiccuping noise, and then shakes her head. “Wanted me to show,” she murmurs, resting that hand up on the back of the toilet, the webbing between the thumb and forefinger bruised as hell, the skin broken and bloody. “I opened the cases, let her see. She shut my hand in the one with the bomb. I thought she knew and was gonna let me lose it. I had–I had to wait. She was mad you weren’t there. Got fucking chatty. Six forty two and thirty seconds, and I undid the snap on the back of the glove and just pulled free. Already had my case. I ran. I looked back — case popped open in her face ’cause of my glove. Six forty three. You ever see that comedian Gallagher?” she wonders, and her shoulders hunch again as she vomits from the soles of her feet, getting rid of lunch from six years ago last Tuesday.