He feels hollow, imperfect
this place inside him
that isn’t there anymore,
but the outside never was.
He doesn’t have all the things he needs
to feel whole,
but he doesn’t have anything
else to make the best of it.
One quick slip and you’re somewhere
you never intended,
never really wanted
and you have no way out,
because you don’t even know
how you got in.
He feels empty; he feels broken.
He feels unwanted, unloved,
Always wrong, everything’s always wrong
in his head in his hands.
Can’t do anything right.
Can’t even be himself
right so what’s the point
anyway? It hurts
in ways he doesn’t have words for
yet. It hurts
like the ragged ends of broken
hearts. It hurts like being torn
along a poor seam.
Put together badly,
what do you expect?
What do you expect from a life
you didn’t live well?
He didn’t know anyone
could cry this much
Poetry too, Jones?
Something like, maybe? I try.
I like it. I didn’t expect it, but I like it.
I’m of a mood. Hardly know what’s coming next.
But isn’t that the fun part?
Fun like Russian roulette, sometimes. S’dark in here, Lewin.
You okay there, Jones? You can bleed the dark out with your words, you know. Maybe that’s why they’re there for you.
There’s this point I keep reaching for. I’m not there yet. It dries up. A lack of inspiration, or a fear that it won’t stop, if I cut it deep enough. I’m as okay as I’ve ever been. But I’m in good company, yeah?
I hear you, Jones. Yes, we’re together on this one. I don’t think you can ever cut too deep; I think the inspiration is bottomless, just difficult the further you climb. But worth the trip.
Damn the torpedoes, and down the rabbit-hole, then.
Let it fly, I say.
Today, my only torpedo is trying to focus on the novel, when what’s coming is something else entirely. Ten thousand thousand other something elses.
Tell me about the novel, Jones.
I hope the something elses let you be. I’m surrounded by things like that now. Surrounded by cubicles and filing systems and other such nonsense. But I suspect yours might be a bit more terrifying.
But I’m glad you like it.