DeathWatch II No. 55 – No, You Weren’t

This is Issue #55 of DeathWatch, Book II: tentatively called Heart Of Ilona, an ongoing Serial. Click that link to go find DeathWatch, the first in the series, or start from the beginning of Book II!

Happy Reading!

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* * *

“She’ll be expecting you,” Nixus said, washing her hands. “You told the messenger we were coming.”

“You told the messenger we were coming,” Coryphaeus said, glancing back toward the bathroom, where Jules had shut herself so she could use the toilet and wash up without him hovering over her. “I haven’t been welcome in that house in years.”

“He’s dead,” Nixus said abruptly. “He’s gone. He can’t hurt you anymore.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t put it past him to try.” Coryphaeus’s expression was grim; he sighed and rubbed his eyes.

“Please come.”

Coryphaeus’s back stiffened. He looked over at her, frowning. She didn’t say please. She didn’t give away what was important to her. She didn’t urge, she commanded. “You’re being quite unusual about this,” he said quietly. “And I would hardly know what to do with Jules.”

“Bring her, if you must, but make her understand her role is subservient. It must be, or it will get one or both of you killed. She’s hardly the only Westlander slave in existence. She’d be exotic. She’d be noticed, but she’d also be safe,” Nixus said. “So long as she could act the part. If she were to stand too tall, Coryfrater, she’d wind up getting you gutted for a second time.”

Before Coryphaeus could answer, Jules returned to them, looking somewhat wan, but otherwise fine. “You’re arguing again,” she noted, looking at them both.

“We’re discussing the finer points of how to proceed.” Coryphaeus’s voice was measured and polite.

“He’s being stupid,” Nixus snorted without preamble.

Coryphaeus rolled his eyes and threw his hands in the air in disgust. “What do you want from me? You don’t think it will be more of a shock than will be polite, to arrive there, with him freshly dead? Do you think she will embrace me?”

“Who are you talking about?” Jules wondered, standing around, feeling slightly awkward, not knowing what to do with herself.

“Our mother,” Nixus said. “Cory’s feeling nervous about going back to the family home.”

“I cannot drag Jules off to–”

“You and she both pretended, in front of the Prince. Mother has never been your enemy–” Nixus said.

“–well she was hardly my ally.” Coryphaeus’s words were spat, and his tone was both stung, and meant to sting.

Jules’s eyebrows lifted; she glanced over to Nixus, to see what the Summus thought of such a weighted statement.

“She was as much his prisoner as you were his exile, Coryfrater,” Nixus said. “It’s over now. You talk so much about how he could not hurt you, once you knew who you were — why do you balk at –”

“Has she ever seen her son?” Jules wondered, butting in, blurting out. “Or does… does she still think of him as…”

“Phaedra?” Coryphaeus said, and the name, however beautiful it might’ve ever been, was a curse, bitter on the tongue.

“Come home,” Nixus said, fists clenched. “Much has changed, Coryfrater.”

“You have done harder things, haven’t you?” Jules wondered, looking over at the Legatus.

“I have,” he sighed. He looked at Jules, who looked all but expectant, and looked at Nixus, who had a look on her face that he could not describe or explain. Finally, he sighed, throwing his hands in the air, his shoulders slumping in resignation. “Fine. Yes, fine. You’re both nothing but no-good ardeliae but I recognize you won’t be denied.”

Gratias irrumabo,” Nixus said, rolling her eyes. “Getting you to do things for your own betterment is harder than–”

“Getting you to listen to anyone, ever,” Jules quipped.

Coryphaeus snorted, shaking his head. “I’m to change, then, if we are going there. I must be… presentable.” He turned to head back down the hall, and toward his bedroom.

Jules stood still, chewing her lip, marveling for a moment at how all of this had become her life.

Once he left the room, Nixus whirled on Jules, bearing down on her, her tall frame imposing against Jules’s significantly shorter one. “And that,” Nixus said, pointing at Jules, “is going to have to stop. I will allow that you are strong, that you are smart, that you are my brother’s choice to love, and you just might be deserving of it, but listen to me, canicula: you will have to swallow that sharp tongue and let it cut no one but yourself until we have gotten through this. My brother has not gone home in years. My father was more of a monster than you could ever know–”

Jules was listening, but for a moment, when she heard the word ‘monster’, all she could think of was Abe, and the way he’d looked when he’d turned on them all, and used the Maxima to lay waste to the Ilonan countryside. She blinked a few times, coming back to the present moment, where Nixus was still speaking, low and angrily, focused more on her words than on whether Jules had been paying the strictest of attentions.

“–even if he had not been the kind of father that would murder his youngest son, he let his eldest suffer in penance for something that couldn’t have been stopped. Our family has been injured enough by that man. My Coryphaeus… must finally be allowed to be the man my father could not accept. You must hold your tongue and play the part without fail. You will remain silent, a slave, submissive, until all is made clear, and my brother has heard what our father–” Suddenly, Nixus stopped her ranting, and pursed her lips, drawing back, expression one of having said too much, but only until she schooled that, as well.

“What your father–” Jules said, looking more than a little bewildered. “What?”

“What about father?” Coryphaeus wondered, walking back in, adjusting his clothing.

Jules turned, about to mention Nixus’s behavior, but all thought of it left her mind as her eyes moved over Coryphaeus, hungry for the sight of him. “I — what?”

Nixus barked a laugh at Jules, glad for the spotlight to be off her words. She shook her head, saying, “The two of you are idiots. I’m going to find her something suitable to wear.”

Coryphaeus looked at Nixus, hurt and confused, and fussed with the sash at his shoulder.

Jules was blushing, not because of what Nixus had said, but purely because she found herself staring at Coryphaeus with her jaw dropped. “You’re — that’s… I didn’t. Huh.”

One brow up, Coryphaeus looked at Jules for some time, and finally said, “I didn’t think I’d ever see you speechless.”

“Man in uniform,” Jules said. “I hadn’t expected you to clean up so… well.”

“You’ve seen me in a uniform plenty.”

“Not the formal dress.”

“Before we leave the house, you’re going to have to stop licking your lips,” Nixus said, returning to the room, handing over a bundle of fabric to Jules. “Change into this. No shoes.”

“Uh-huh,” Jules said, and blushed redder as she took the clothing, finally tearing her eyes away from Coryphaeus, hurrying back off to the bedroom.

“What was that about?” Coryphaeus’s expression was guileless as he turned it toward Nixus.

Nixus laughed, and moved to fuss with Coryphaeus’s sash.”I love you, my brother, but I also know you know damned well what that meant.” She kissed him on the forehead, saying, “You’re handsome, you know.”

“I didn’t. How do you know?”

“Well, you’re my twin, and I’m gorgeous, so I figured it stood you were at least handsome,” Nixus said, smirking. “I know your commander agrees.”

Coryphaeus’s cheeks darkened, and he cleared his throat. “I was going to send her away, you know.”

“No, you weren’t.”

“No,” Coryphaeus said, looking resigned. “I wasn’t.”

* * *

NEXT

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100 Words: The Last Time

This is the last time, he told himself. The last time I will pick her up. The last time I’ll mop up puke and wash blood from her hair and have to sober up because I can’t drink while I’m keeping her from killing herself, and it’s killing me.

This is the last time, he told himself, twenty, thirty, one hundred times ago.

This is the last time, he told himself, literally lifting her off the ground.

This is the last–

He felt tears on his neck a knew there wouldn’t be a last time until she decided it was.

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DeathWatch II No. 54 – What’re you gonna do about it? Cry?

This is Issue #54 of DeathWatch, Book II: tentatively called Heart Of Ilona, an ongoing Serial. Click that link to go find DeathWatch, the first in the series, or start from the beginning of Book II!

Happy Reading!

PREVIOUS

* * *

The inner gates to the palace were guarded, of course, but there was traffic in and out at all times, from courtiers to craftsman, bondsman to beggars, soldiers to slaves. He watched and watched and watched, sitting in the filth, mud and fuck-knows-what-else smeared in his hair, on his face, in his clothes. He looked wretched, with his torn layers and his hunched frame and shaking hands. He’d poured cheap liquor on himself, rolled in more than one midden heap, and purposefully walked through piles of horse dung. He also chewed up, spat out, and smeared himself with salted fish. In the end, he daubed camphor and motor grease under his nose to cut the smell for himself at least a little.

The end result was that everyone gave him a wide berth; he put out a battered cup, and people tossed him money, or never looked at him, and in some cases, both. Filthsmeared, with a gauze over his eyes, he looked like some blind beggar, and his disguise kept anyone who might give a damn from realizing he was a Westlander.

Several times a day, a well-dressed man or woman with a rather large retinue would make some sort of disgusted remark and walk around him quite dramatically.

It took everything he had not to bother those folks on purpose.

He left the palace gates once he thought he’d learned what he could, and since then he had gone back to public squares and markets, watched the viewscreens and took in as much information as possible. He’d been watching the news bites, listening to the street talk, trying to piece together what had happened after he’d fallen; evidently Garrett and Coryphaeus got out, with Sha and Kieron. His heart leapt at the idea that his Captain lived, still, that she got away.

“Of course you did,” he found himself saying aloud, smiling at the very notion. “Of course you did.”

He found himself smiling at the knowledge that Kieron had been freed, as well.

He caught another section of the replay, and saw Coryphaeus come back over the wall, and kneel to the Guardian, who had managed to rise, healed from the battering Nathan himself had given him. Nathan looked down at the bronze hand that had replaced the one that caved in the Guardian’s skull. He flexed it beneath the glove, frowning slightly, then looked back up to see the Guardian spare Cory’s life.

In that instant, he wondered if Jules was being held in the Palace, still, or if she had been given back to Coryphaeus. He wondered if Coryphaeus would serve Ilona, so he could keep her.

He heard a strange sound — a stressed groaning, creaking, and glanced down, looking for the source of it; he flinched, relaxing, as he realized it was the sound of his mechanical hand as he clenched his fists harder and harder, the longer he thought about it.

He remembered the way she’d gone into convulsions, the last time he saw her. How she’d fallen into his arms. How she begged him to trust Coryphaeus. How she promised he was a good man. Sighing quietly to himself, he left the square and shuffled along main thoroughfares. He occassionally grunted a question to various people in the streets. He made it plain he was looking for the Legatus, he wanted to look at the man the Guardian spared — which was nothing particularly remarkable; plenty of people had wanted to speak with the Legatus now, but he’d been off the streets for the most part, and people told him so, talked about how the Legatus had always been a secretive sort — probably just because the whole family was full of oddities.

Nathan soaked up all the information he could, and kept moving. He hunched and shuffled, shuffled and hunched, and headed for where he’d been told the Legatus lived. “Nothing will ever stop me,” he muttered to himself. “Nothing.”

* * *

“Medic says you’re actually only guy-line from fine,” Sha said. “But I expect you to talk to me, cadet.”

“Talk, Captain?” Kieron looked positively baffled, for a moment.

“About what the blazing fuck is going on in your head, hmm?” Sha’s expression, kind as it could become, was nothing if not serious, in that moment.

Kieron looked resigned, saying, “Pretty sure I’m just losing my mind.”

“If that’s your only worry, Brody, you’re in damn good shape,” Sha sighed, rolling her eyes.

“Captain, are you kidding me? You don’t even know wh–” Kieron paused, frowning slightly.

One eyebrow raised, Sha wondered, “What don’t I know, cadet? What other thing about you do I not know? Considering I know you’ve got the same sight that got my brother killed, you left behind a friend to save him but he died anyway and you feel blisteringly guilty about it, you somehow shared your sight with my first mate’s wife, which you also feel guilty about, you couldn’t catch Nate when he fell, and you feel guilty about that, too — you think you’ve also got more hidden in there? Something worse?”

Kieron felt a rush of tension escape him, a sudden realization making his shoulders drop. “You’re… Trying to tell me I’m being dramatic for no reason.”

“I’m trying to tell you you’re being dramatic and it doesn’t matter the reason. Maybe you got a good reason. Maybe you’ve got the best reason. Maybe you’ve got the only fucking reason in the whole fucking world, but you know what, Brody? You’re the only one who cares about that reason,” Sha said, shrugging. “Won’t save you. Won’t save anyone else. Won’t find Jules, bring back Nathan or Hana or your friend, or get us out of this. So you can hang on to whatever secret shame you got floating around in there, or you can let it the fuck go, hmm?”

“I’m gonna get us all killed,” Kieron said quietly. “I can feel it.”

“Bless your heart, cadet. I’ve been pretty sure I was gonna do the same thing since my brother showed me how to run a ship,” Sha said, shrugging. “What’re you gonna do about it,” she asked, elbowing him in the ribs, “cry?”

* * *

NEXT

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Hardly Know What To

I pull out the insides of me.
I put them on display.
I turn them into delight,
I make them into play.
I make myself beautiful,
I make myself beautiful,
I make myself beautiful,
I try to make myself beautiful.
I fill myself with hate.
I mean to. It’s just for me.
I gorge myself with it.
I pretend that this is all I can be.
I make myself miserable,
I make myself miserable,
I make myself miserable,
I try to escape being miserable.
Joy or pain, it doesn’t matter.
I’m unable to escape
the very skin that surrounds me,
the water that drowns me,
the love and hate
that suffocate
and leave me breathless
and consigned to fate.

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Feast/Famine

Full up and
over-the-top,
spilling out,
beyond sated,
overstuffed,
gorged in fact,

because otherwise
it will be

hollow, empty,
lost to me,
and any other
mouthful will
be only a drop
in the bucket.

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