DeathWatch II No. 92 – What About Acceptable Losses?

This is Issue #92 of DeathWatch, Book II: tentatively called Heart Of Ilona, an ongoing Serial. Click that link to go find DeathWatch, the first in the series, or start from the beginning of Book II!

Happy Reading!

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* * *

Moving through the city just before first light, Sha was struck by how beautiful it all was. She had seen much of the Ilonan countryside during her years scouting, but always from far away, and never much city life. Even while she’d been in captivity, she saw little, and was certain she wouldn’t have appreciated what she saw anyway, but in these moments as she and Danival ran for the palace, she found herself oddly captivated by the architecture, the broad lawns, the sweeping staircases, fountains, and gardens laid out over the city, regardless of the wealth — or apparent lack thereof — of the people living in the area.

Getting close to the palace wasn’t hard; with cloaks on, they could all but walk right in — the coronation would be happening in a short amount of time, and everyone seemed welcome.

Everyone.

In fact, they were able to get a remarkable amount of information directly from citizens who were more than happy to talk about the coming ceremony.

While Danival was massive, especially compared to most people simply walking in the front gate — he wasn’t the only one. There were Kriegs who had been enslaved, fantastically tall Ilonans, hosts of men, women, children, and beasts of burden bringing in carts that were only barely inspected.

Any other day they may have struggled with getting in, but today, the Palace didn’t care overmuch about security. If you weren’t a Westlander, all you cared about was seeing your Guardian and Queen, an showing your support. All smaller squabbles were set aside in the face of what was coming.

Once they’d walked in to the main Palace courtyard, they looked for a place to sit and wait, to watch the short ceremony. “If she’s here,” Sha said, “she would be near the Guardian and Queen. She’ll show up on the vid screen. Once we get eyes on her, it’ll be easy to follow her; she’ll stick out easy enough.”

“She is memorable, yes, your little Celd?”

“She’s half Krieg, too,” Sha said absently, scanning the growing crowd. “General–”

“Not to be calling me this in foreign land. Size and accent enough are making me memorable enough, Sha,” Danival said quietly.

She nodded, shrugging. “Sorry — I just. Look around. Are you noticing what I’m noticing?” She gestured to the people filing in to the huge courtyard, and then pointed out to the city, the streets filling with people.

“What are you noticing?”

“That this… Is a lot of people. You were going to do the shipyards, the barracks — the Kriegic strike was going to be pretty intensive, General, but–”

“Is pilgrimage for coronation,” Danival said, staring straight ahead. “City will be full to bursting. Millions of enemy.”

Sha stared hard, but tried to make it look like she wasn’t. Her eyes rested on men and women here and there, but she kept getting her gaze caught by children, playing. Children, celebrating. Thousands upon thousands of them.

She felt her stomach roil as she remembered the valley, and what Abe had done.

Danival’s voice was low, casual. “This is war. You are soldier, O’Naiya. You are knowing this.”

“This won’t be war. This will be slaughter,” Sha said, her shoulders slumped. There was no real way to stop it, either. They were to get Jules and get out — out of the city, out of range of the attack.

“That is what war is,” Danival said. “There is no honor, no glory, no justice. War is brutal. War is killing. War is strongest becomes right. Survivors are victors,” he said. “Might rules.”

Sha felt like Kieron must have felt when she tried to explain that the Ilonans were the enemy, but they weren’t necessarily wrong or bad, and Centralis certainly wasn’t defeating them.

She felt betrayed.

“What did your intelligence say about this before we dropped?” Sha kept her voice low as she stood to his right, speaking nearly in his ear. “Did you know it would be so many people?”

“Yes. Is pilgrimage for coronation. Hundreds of thousands. Would be great blow against Ilona and all other city states. Capital, ruling family, land and people in ruins,” he answered.

“The Kriegs are prepared to escalate to that level? There are children here. Children.” Pale and shaking, Sha turned her face away and looked at the joy that surrounded them.

“Kriegs are prepared for acceptable losses. I am prepared for acceptable losses,” he told her quietly. “Especially with so many of them bearing the serpent.” His expression was grim as he pulled his cloak around himself a little more tightly.

“The serpent?” Sha looked around warily.

“Is on the armor. Can only see when they — there. That one, revealing it to another?” He nodded in the direction of a few men who were greeting one another like long-lost family, embracing, clapping one another on the back, speaking in joyous tones about the coronation and the coming celebration.

“They belong to army of murderous thieves,” Danival said quietly. “Much of Ilona is full of science, art, math, advances we owing to great minds. But animal savagery comes, too.”

“They don’t have the monopoly on that,” Sha said darkly. “You know what Abramov did?”

“Viridian Valley massacre, yes. We did not support this.”

“Only because you wanted to come and do it first hand?” Sha snorted, furious, trying not to clench her fists or grind her teeth. “What about acceptable losses?”

“Abramov burned non-tactical targets,” Danival said. “Entirely non-military. Capital is heart of Ilona. Black, monstrous heart. Kill its ruler? Reduce its army to ashes? Markets, industries, societies this side of Damnation Ridge collapse. Kriegsland will install government. Renegotiate alliance with Centralis.”

“Fuck, Nate had always said you were — that you had a hard-on for procedure. For Kriegsland and the military, and winning. That you were calculating and merciless.” Her voice grew angry, quieter but fiercer. She leaned in, baring her teeth at him as she leveled the accusation, “You know he joined my brother’s ship because you left him? He was my quarter and he died in this fucking forsaken city because I let him turn the ship because you–”

She stopped — Danival’s eyes, ice blue as they were, only looked hard. He watched her, silent, and accepted her admission of grief, of guilt.

He wore the same pain she did, and she shook her head, wishing they could both shake off the heaviness of responsibility, however indirect the weight.

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Do The Damage

He says venomous things
that have a life
and a barbed stinger of their own.
They fly unerring,
pierce the skin,
and cannot be removed.
They poison,
and she is shot full of them easily,
a soft target,
large and rounded.
She has felt them stab her
so often he no longer has to aim —
he holds his specimens out,
and she selects
those she thinks will please him most,
and stabs herself with them at her leisure.
It is more efficient
to do the damage herself, she thinks.
It is the one thing,
the only thing,
she knows she can do better
than anyone else.

Posted in Love Poems, On Depression, Poetry | 2 Comments

The Funniest Part

The funniest part is
watching them crawl,
thinking if they push hard,
if they try hard,
if they do it just right,
if they dance
for the gods above them
that they will be elevated,
that they will be lifted above,
out of the muck
in which they’re crawling,
as though any divine being
would stoop so low
as to even acknowledge
their filth,
much less touch it.

Posted in On Depression, Poetry | Leave a comment

DeathWatch II No. 91 – The Darkest Heart Is Yours

This is Issue #91 of DeathWatch, Book II: tentatively called Heart Of Ilona, an ongoing Serial. Click that link to go find DeathWatch, the first in the series, or start from the beginning of Book II!

Happy Reading!

PREVIOUS

* * *
Faeles Ferox, Legatus of the Darkest Heart, Tenebrae’s most vicious, victorious, horrific Legio, raised her brows and leaned in, listening, rapt like some child before bedtime, hearing an especially captivating story.

“She drank it down.” Gemma continued the tale, watching the Legatus, her eyes narrowed. “Every last drop. She fell asleep, believing her husband had given her something to soothe her. Instead, the venefica gave him the purest essences of distilled aetheris and sonoria radices. It woke the sight in me when I was nothing more than a swimming babe in the dark of my mother’s belly.”

“And your mother?” Faeles wondered.

“Became nothing more than a living doll,” Gemma said, her eyes glassy and far off. “My father thought to let her finish bearing me, that perhaps when it was done, she would return to him. So when I was to be born, I was cut from her. My father ordered the chiurgeons to dispose of me, but instead I was taken to a merchant family that had been longing for a child. My mother was given back to my father, but she never truly woke. She healed, and would eat and drink, but she was nothing. He’d ruined her for nothing. And I ended up here, in Ilona, the daughter of a merchant. The mother that took me in, once she had me, had six other daughters, but I had been favored. I had been chosen.”

“You are still chosen, Domina,” Faeles said. “You do command the shadow army. The Darkest Heart is yours to wield. With it, you could rule all of Intemeratus Posito.”

“All in time,” Gemma said. “The citystate already has a ruler. My Queen. She and the Guardian will rule. They will have a child. The Venator line will continue.”

“But you could claim the Guardian,” Faeles said, looking pleased with the idea. “You could have him, straight out. A fine specimen he is,” she chuckled, her voice a low purr. “I imagine that body paint would–” Faeles’s voice cut off suddenly as she felt the cold pressure of a knife dig against her throat.

“In case I did not make it plain enough, Faeles,” Gemma said softly, “The Guardian belongs to My Queen. Tenebrae and I are a weapon she will yield against the coming storm. I am not interested in his body paint, nor what lies beneath it. His power is sacred. His protection of our land is sacred. I will not allow you to continue to profane such a thing, and if you insist, Legatus, the Darkest Heart will be ruled by its second in command before you manage to finish your disgusting statement.”

“I apologize,” Ferox whispered, swallowing against the blade. “Paenitet mea, Domina. It was foolish of me to press such a vulgar idea. Spill my blood to salve such a slight, if it pleases you, or accept that it will not happen again.”

“And if it does?” Gemma wonders, watching the woman before her.

Ferox leaned in, and the knife slipped briefly against her skin; she could feel the sting of it, but she did not flinch. “If you cannot accept my word, our bond is useless,” she said. “Cut my throat now and be done with it.”

Gemma bared her teeth, irritated, refusing to let it lie. “I–

The Legatus reached up, grabbing hold of Gemma’s hand, and pulled the knife tighter against her throat. “Cut it now, Domina. I am Faeles Ferox and I will only bow so low. Forgive the slight, or cut my throat. Be willing to–”

Gemma moved only a little, but it was enough.

Ferox hadn’t seen the second knife. She fell silent, her eyes so wide the whites showed, like a panicked horse.

“Think twice before you command me, Legatus. I am your Domina. You lead the Darkest Heart, and I lead you,” Gemma hissed. “You know I will not cut your throat. You are worth more to me. But I will cut you elsewhere that will not render you worthless to me or to the army.”

The Legatus swallowed roughly as she closed her eyes and bowed her head. “I apologize, Domina. I forget myself.”

“Well, remember quickly, Ferox. I have little patience for fools. I require far more loyalty. I don’t require your submission, merely that our goals and priorities align. You cannot require my direction for each action, or I will have to shepherd you through every instance — how will you be worth anything to me, then?”

Faeles was silent.

Gemma carefully withdrew the knife from where it had been pressing between the other woman’s thighs. “I will answer myself, then. You will not. You will not be worth anything to me,” Gemma said, biting the words off. “You have little respect for the Guardian. Listen to me when I tell you this: he is the salvation of everyone on this side of the Luminora.”

“Due respect to you,” Faeles began quietly, “but the being called the Guardian is an elevated Westlander–”

“He was reborn through blood. His novo, Faeles. It was witnessed by much of the palace, by dozens of chiurgeons,” Gemma said quietly. “He heals all wo–”

“There are rumors that is merely trickery, camera-work, little more than a stage-magician’s act,” Faeles’s interruption was low, urgent.

“Do you wish to kill him yourself?” Gemma laughed at the ludicrous idea. “Go, Faeles. Do as I have instructed. There will come a time when you will see his power for yourself. If you still disbelieve then, have your crisis of faith at his feet, not mine.”

“I hear and obey, Domina. The Darkest Heart is yours. We are your shadow army,” Faeles Ferox promised, bowing to Gemma.

“And what will that army do for its leader?”

“Keep her safe. Fail to assassinate the Queen.”

“And?”

“Kill Acer Plaga in the confusion.”

“Why?”

“It is as the prophecy wills,” Faeles murmured.

When the Legatus left, Gemma crawled back into her bed, and lit her huqqa once more. She smoked the rest of the resin she had with her, trying to recapture the taste of Lucida’s aetheris-stained lips against hers.

* * *

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What Do You Have

What do you have
to say for yourself,
you who are by design
the smallest, the least,
the worst of all of us,
daring to stand up,
daring to present,
daring to pretend
you are something
you are not,
are something more
than you must be,
are something we all
should have been,
had we not forgotten
our blood,
our voices,
ourselves.

Posted in Poetry | Leave a comment