Servant

You who bore the tattoo,
who bore the blood,
who carried the mark,
who carried the light.

You who could not lay down
because the quest was not yet finished.
You who held the lightning;
you who sang the void.

You who knelt on broken bone
and glass and fire.
You who sacrificed.
You who spent.

You who reached out
to catch you knew not what,
only that it must be done.
You who had faith.

You who stood fast.
You who ate of the bitter fruit,
and knew it was good,
and knew it was yours.

You who bared your teeth,
naked and bestial,
daring All
to fight you.

I know you;
I name you —
without word,
without sound.

You,
rest now;

for your fight will be long
and painful,
and you must gather all your strength
for the coming storm.

Posted in Love Poems, On Depression, Poetry | 3 Comments

Named

They said
you were Aphrodite,
when they found your face washed upon the shore.

They saw the curve of your cheek
and the angle of your jaw,
and the curl of your hair,
and named you Venus,
named you Beauty,
named you Love.

They named you,
without listening to your lips,
without looking into your eyes,
without asking it of you.

They took your own name from you
and dropped a new one,
without waiting to see if your hands were outstretched,

as they always have,
as they always do,
not knowing what they lost
as they pretended to discover.

Posted in Poetry | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Even I think this is stupid

The pattern of a breakfix life is simple:
Wait. Watch.
Wait. Watch.
Wait. See. Flinch.
React. Panic.
Flail – and in flailing, possibly hit the broken thing and render it useful again, or so un-useful as to be replaced.
Lather.
Rinse.
Repeat.
The pattern of a breakfix life is simple.

Posted in On Depression, Poetry | Tagged , , | 1 Comment

White Noise

Rising sick
a tide of anxious bees
pollinating worry inside me
like a field of roses surrounding the tower
a buzzing
reaching
for the bottom of my tongue
like it will not let me make words
only a scream
that’s more like an echoing to its drone

Posted in Fiction, On Depression, Poetry | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Stolen

These aren’t my
thoughts and dreams.
I catalog a list
of sins and hopes
in blood that isn’t mine,

spilled ink
to paint every page
of my life.
They scream through me
and I cannot harness,
cannot tame,
cannot rein them in enough
to make their syllables legible,
to make their horrors sound enough
to have sense.

Why have imagination
when its legs are crippled
and its body too full of holes
to do anything but collapse?

What is the use of seeing color?

I dream and dream and dream
but
I cannot make myself
fly as I used to.

Posted in On Depression, Poetry | Tagged , , , , | 1 Comment