Porcelain

In the background, she talks to her grandmother, and I can hear her over the caterwauling of whatever song it is I’m listening to.  She talks and walks and turns on all the lights in the house because that is what she does, always, animated, even very late at night, while lightning flashes, and the ghost of a child huddles with the whisper of a kitten on the stairs, afraid of the thunder.

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Clawing

Out of the ground they come, the earth retching them up, sicking them up. It started only a few days ago, in the middle of an otherwise calm morning. When I saw it happen, in my head I heard the phrase “upside down and backwards Sigur Ros song” and it made me laugh so loud that one turned in my direction and started for me.

I’m not sure if graveyards everywhere are having this problem, all I know is my backyard is torn the fuck up, and only a handful of them have come back so far.

I buried the rest a whole lot deeper though, so maybe it’ll take longer.

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Baby got an atom bomb…

I remember these things like raindrops on my skin, subtle beats that set up this pitter patter echoed on the inside of my bones. Words and words and your touch. I remember your touch, even if you don’t want me to. I’ll remember it, and say nothing to you, and know that you won’t read this, that you don’t read this, because if you did, you’d know even when I wandered off, I still thought of you. I came back.

I always come back.

Two holes in my chest and one in my left eye, and I still came back.

Don’t you love me, baby?

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News

I have cancer.

The diagnosis is somewhat recent. I do not mean this as a ploy of sympathy for why I have not written, lately — I mean it as a way of explaining why I may not write here much, for now.

I am working on a novel, and between preparations, family time, and that, I find less time for blogging. As things become more clear, and/or I get into a better routine, I hope to put more into this blog.

I certainly can’t quit it — all the voices in my head won’t get any quieter just because I don’t make the time for them.

I can’t ask for your patience, but if you do stick around, I imagine you’ll find something entertaining here again, sooner or later. Of course, I might just write about the trials and tribulations of all this ridiculous nonsense regarding my malfunctioning body. Not sure yet.

For all of you who have walked this path before me, I apologize on behalf of the body that betrayed you. Isn’t it a little bit funny that even the flesh that contains us is not completely our own?

For all of you who will walk it after me, forgive yourself — whatever you could have done to prevent this (eat better, exercise more, go to the doctor, listen to the doctor, take CARE of yourself!), that chance is over and done. Pick up your feet and keep walking. You may yet find more chances, and the strength to continue.

As for me, I am not walking alone; my family, my friends, my beautiful wife — they all walk beside me, and I am more grateful to them than I can explain right now.

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Return 3

It was the captain who noticed the significance of the feathers first — the children were simply busy playing with them, while some of the followers gathered up the downy ones and stuffed them into sacks. It walked with us, and as its feet grew callused on the stone-grass, its wings shed continuously, as though they renewed themselves every so often.

The captain picked one up, and stared at it for a long time, booted feet plodding along with the rest of us, until suddenly the grey sky was full of shouts and  laughter.  He held up the slim feather, and his fingers touched the rachis, and there was music, silver light and fire all at once, and it lit up his face from within.

Return Return 2 — Return 3 — Return 4

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