DeathWatch II No. 5 – You Have Been Everything I Could Hope For

This is Issue #5 of DeathWatch, Book II: tentatively called Heart Of Ilona, an ongoing Serial. Click that link to go find DeathWatch, the first in the series, or start from the beginning of Book II!

Happy Reading!

PREVIOUS

* * *

“Guardian,” Secta said, as the man was dragging himself out of Coryphaeus’s chamber. “You are still expected at Her Royal Highness’s rooms. Shall I send your regrets?” he wondered.

“No, Secta,” Jet, said, leaning against the wall, rubbing his temples. “No, I agreed that I would go,” he murmured. “But you–my dear famulo–you need sleep.”

“Master,” Secta said, shivering, “I do not,” he promised. “I would rather be able to be where you are — to assist you however necessary.”

“You would serve me better if you were well-rested,” Jet said, teasing, wishing the young man would take a little more care of himself.

For Secta, there was no greater insult. His face flamed red, and he bowed his head, saying, “I will try harder, Master, I–”

Only then realizing what he’d implied, Jet reached out and touched Secta’s shoulder. “No, no – it’s not how I meant it. You’re — Secta, you have been everything I could hope for, and more. I only meant that I wished you would preserve yourself as much as you put thought into serving me. I do not want my success to come at your expense. You are more than a servant, Secta. I trust you.”

Secta smiled, looking pained, and his voice was trembling with emotion as he said, “Guardian, I am honored by you, truly.”

“Good. Now go get some sleep. I’m going to go see Lucida, and I’ll be sleeping shortly, myself, I hope,” he said, leaning to kiss Secta’s forehead. “Please. Rest. For me.”

“For you, Master,” Secta said, feeling his cheeks burn. He waited until Jet released him, then bowed low, backed away two steps, and ran for the Guardian’s rooms, to freshen them, to turn down the bed, bring out iced wine and burn incense.

He fully intended to rest but he knew Jet would not stay with Lucida, but would come back to his own bed, and would need rest when he returned.

* * *

By the time Jet let himself into Lucida’s chambers, the exhaustion he felt was plain on his face. He shut the door behind himself and sagged against it, briefly, closing his eyes for only a moment.

The face he saw behind them made him open them again, and grind his teeth against the shock of it.

He walked into Lucida’s bedroom, the site of strange memories and machinations, and saw her sitting in her window, while Gemma slept soundly in the bed.

“You should be resting,” he said quietly.

“As should you,” Lucida murmured, without turning around.

He went to her, and carefully pulled her up into his arms, kissing her forehead. “I will,” he promised, drawing back the thin veil around her bed so he could lay her within the sheets. “Rest, Lucy,” he said quietly. “Gemma’s with you. I’ll be in my bed if you need me. We’ll figure it all out; we’ll be all right.”

Her wide eyes watched him, no small amount of grief welling there. One hand reached up to clasp his hand. “Stay,” she whispered. “Stay with me, caro. Until I fall asleep. Please?” It was a simple request, and Jet answered without hesitation, his heart breaking for the beautiful woman who was his wife purely to please a man who was now irretrievably gone.

“Of course,” Jet said, immediately moving a chair to be by her bedside. He sat down and put a hand on her shoulder, playing lightly with her hair, and stayed until her eyes fluttered shut, and her breathing was slow and even.

* * *

When at last he entered his own bed chambers, Jet’s exhaustion had never been so high. He slogged toward the baths, pausing to see Secta curled up in the doorway, unconscious. Filthy, bloodied, tired, Secta had not cared for himself, but instead had prepared the room just for Jet, and waited for him.

Kneeling, Jet put a hand on Secta’s shoulder, shaking him gently. “Secta,” he whispered. “Have you eaten?”

“I am not sleeping,” Secta said, clearing his throat and struggling to sit upright. “I was… Examining… The grout between the tiles. They should be cleaned. I will clean them.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.” Jet laughed aloud, reaching to touch Secta’s cheek. “I told you to rest.”

Secta’s cheeks burned; he cleared his throat and looked pained. “I tried to rest, Master. I did. But I could not find sleep. You had not yet returned, and I wasn’t sure if you had need of me.” He moved to get up, saying, “I can draw you a bath; there is wine to wet your lips, I can–”

“Secta–”

“–bring in oil for a massage, call in dancers, summon a meal–”

“Secta,” Jet said, feeling his head swim.

“–change out the sheets in your bed, bring in new pillows, I could–”

“Secta, please!” Jet cried, pulling away to withdraw, putting his arms around himself, closing his golden eyes, keeping himself walled away. To have the young man be so intent on Jet’s happiness was almost too much to bear.

Kieron used to make that same face, during his good times, when he was desperate to show Jet how grateful he was for the other boy’s care.

It was too much.

“Forgive me,” Secta breathed, wide-eyed. After a moment, he bowing his head. “I apologize; I… I do not know what has come over me. I–” He bit his tongue to silence himself, and backed toward the door. “I will leave you in peace,” he said, and his cheeks were red as his voice shook, as he laughed quietly at himself, hoping to not have offended. “Ring for me; I will return in a heartbeat.”

Jet watched the young man go, but his broken heart could take no more. “Don’t–” he said, and the word caught in his throat.

Secta paused immediately, one hand on the door behind him. His dark eyes were wide, watchful — he could not anticipate his Master’s needs, not when everything had been so volatile. He waited, his smile ever hopeful.

“Secta, don’t — don’t go far,” Jet said, one hand unfolding from his closed-off posture. He reached out with uncertainty, not knowing what it was he was reaching for until Secta closed the distance and fit himself into the Guardian’s arms.

“I will not go at all,” Secta said, laying his cheek to Jet’s. “I will never leave you. As long as you are Guardian of Ilona, as long as you are husband to the Princess, as long as you are Jet, the Black Stone, the man who is before me, will I ever serve you. Not even death shall end it,” he vowed.

Jet’s voice was quiet, and shook more than he meant as he said, “May such an oath never be tested.”

* * *

NEXT

Posted in Deathwatch, Fiction, Serial | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Cold As Ashes

Waking up in a bed was weird. It didn’t happen that often, these days. She opened her eyes, sticky and crusted with blood, and groaned at the obscene amount of sunlight in the room. Everything was quiet — the outside world was oddly muffled and far away.

Pulling on a pair of pants and a T-shirt from off the floor, she stumbled into the next room.

A cigarette was burned to ash in an old takeout container. Others were stubbed out in a puddle of dried rice and grease.

Folders and newspapers littered the apartment; she checked the dates and found that some of the stacks were new. Notes on papers, connections made, but not in her handwriting.

She wandered around and looked at everything with new, aching eyes. There, a glass of whole milk that wasn’t hers. There, a plate of food with a fork instead of chopsticks. There, a thin black tie, wrinkled, not for her neck.

She could taste blood in the back of her throat, and couldn’t remember how she got home.

Then again, this wasn’t home anymore. Or at least it hadn’t been, in a long time, at least.

She spun in a slow circle, looking around, feeling the hairs on the back of her neck lift up.

“…hey?” she called out, but no one answered.

Nothing answered. The room was dead of sound, except for what little she made, clomping about. She strode to the bathroom, flinging the door open.

Empty.

She dropped to her knees and retched into the bowl, clutching the cold porcelain as though she would fall off the earth when she let go.

She spat once, twice, and then scrubbed her face and rinsed her mouth with cold water, spitting into the toilet before she flushed.

Eyes closed the whole time.

She didn’t look — she didn’t want to know.

When she finally opened them, she stared at herself in the mirror, navy blue irises muddled beneath bloody sclerae, bloody tears, bloody cheeks. Blood in her hair. She looked down at her clothes.

Bloody.

She walked back out to the other room, and picked the milk up. She drank some, and spit it in the sink.

Warm.

She put her finger in the ash of the tray.

Cold.

Looking around once more, she moved to each window, and the door, and locked them, pulling the shades down, drawing the curtains. Everything was shut up tight, and the lights were all turned off. She crawled back into the bed, peeling out of the bloody clothes, and laid her face to the pillow that she’d never think of as hers — the pillow that had been as cold as the ashes for a long, long time.

Posted in Fiction | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

DeathWatch II No. 4 – He Is In Fate’s Hands Now

This is Issue #4 of DeathWatch, Book II: tentatively called Heart Of Ilona, an ongoing Serial. Click that link to go find DeathWatch, the first in the series, or start from the beginning of Book II!

Happy Reading!

PREVIOUS

* * *

Coryphaeus stood, quickly — but it was the wrong thing to do. His eyes rolled back into his head and he dropped, boneless, bloody and only getting bloodier, to the hall floor.

Lucida stiffened in her chair, looking to the fallen man; she moved to get up, but a guard stepped in front of her, bowing. “Apologies — keep a safe distance, Majesty.”

The wound Immanis had dealt Coryphaeus just before he’d gone over the edge had come open again, and bled to the marble, spreading.

“Master,” Secta said, hurrying to kneel beside the Legatus. “I know of a stitcher who can work quickly. Bring him to his rooms; I will fetch help–”

Jet picked up Coryphaeus easily, and looked to the guards, and to Lucida, saying, “I am not certain when I shall return, but when I do–”

“I will wait for you. If I am resting, I will make certain the handmaidens admit you,” Lucida said. “Hurry. Save him; I have a feeling he will prove of value to our house.”

Jet didn’t need to be told twice.

* * *

When Coryphaeus was laid out on a table in his rooms, he had already begun to drift back in and out of consciousness. “Don’t tell him,” he said. “Don’t — don’t tell father,” he rasped. “He would not understand,” he begged, panting.

“What wouldn’t he understand?” Jet wondered, looking bewildered.

“I can’t face him as–as–as that,” he begged, gripping Jet’s hand. “Nixus understood,” he whispered. “You understand, don’t you? Please, Mirus. Brother, please. I can’t go back. I can’t be who he remembers. It’s over; this is who I am now. This is who I always was. This is who I have to be.”

Legatus,” Jet whispered, twisting his hand to hold Coryphaeus’s. “You must rest,” Jet said, trying to pull back. “The chiurgeon is coming. Just breathe. You will be all right.”

Secta burst in, just then, with a red-robed woman carrying a heavy leather bag. Wizened, narrow-eyed, she looked at the Guardian and then at her charge, and said, “Bring me clean water. Basins. Aetheris. Now.”

Jet nodded, and turned away, moving to leave, to hurry to do the woman’s bidding.

Before he managed to go, however, Cory’s hand reached, grabbing his. “Guardian,” he rasped, his eyes wide — but not wild. Coryphaeus was no longer dreaming, no longer out of his mind. Instead, he was focused. Clear. “Hear me, Guardian,” he murmured. “You must promise me one thing. Just this one thing, Guardian, I am begging you.”

Jet kept his hand in Cory’s, frowning slightly, watching. “What promise do you ask of me?”

“Just this one thing,” he rasped. “If I die — if I die, Guardian…” he said, “I’m not who I was. I’m not who I was anymore. I’m this man,” he said, tears welling up in his eyes. “And I need you to bury me as this man. Legatus Coryphaeus Aecus. That’s who I am, now.”

Jet nodded, holding his hand, without having a clue as to what the gasping man truly meant.

I’m — I’m Coryphaeus. Bury me… as you know me. Coryphaeus Aecus. This man. Please. Don’t let — don’t let my brother — don’t let my brother take that away from me,” the Legatus said, writhing in pain on the table as his senses were once again overwhelmed with the weight of his body’s agony.

“Basins. Water. Now!” the woman snapped, reaching to grab Jet’s hand away from Cory’s. “Unless you want those words to be his final ones?”

Secta hurried, happy to be of use, working best in an emergency, to take Jet to where they could get basins of hot, clean water.

They returned to the woman, giving her over the washbasins, and then went to get bottles of aetheris, and other things the crone asked for, such as various herbs and bandages.

“What… What do you suppose he meant,” Jet began, standing within a store room, with Secta, who carefully began to pull down a number of items and lay them in Jet’s arms, “by this is who he is, now?”

Secta turned and looked at Jet over his shoulder, his expression unreadable. “Do not let the bottles tip, Master; they cannot be capped tightly, and so they should not be allowed to fall to the side, Master,” he said, after a moment, his servile smile tight, trembling.

Too caught up in his own thoughts, Jet did not contradict Secta’s blatant avoidance of the topic. Instead, his brow furrowed as he kept thinking on it, and he held to the items Secta piled into his arms, careful to make certain the aetheris bottles didn’t tip.

They were on their way back when they heard the screams.

Jet handed off to Secta the stack of things they’d gotten and drew his sword, barreling off down the hall. When he burst back into the room, the crone was busy strapping Coryphaeus down, and Jet was able to get a good look at the Legatus’s wounds.

Cleaned of old blood and filth from the hunt, Coryphaeus’s body was a network of scars and fresh cuts — Jet could see where Immanis had carved open the man’s ribs, could see plenty of other cuts, shallow and deep, from the sword fights, bruises from climbing, from falling. A set of deep scars ran in crescents from under his arms to nearly his breastbone, while another went from his navel over his lower belly, disappearing into the dark curls that disappeared into the sheet draped over his hips. Each of the fresh wounds ran freely with blood, and the Legatus’s skin was going more ashen by the moment.

He strained, screaming, his eyes glassy as he thrashed and shook, his back arching. He gagged, lifting himself off the table, panting, and howled in agony.

Jet put his sword away, feeling sheepish, and looked to the crone. “Can you — can you give him anything for the pain?”

“No,” she said simply. “He’s lost too much blood. It would slow his heart too much,” she explained. “Hold him while I work.”

And so Jet did — steeling himself against the way the fevered body beneath him screamed. Coryphaeus strained, howling, until he finally passed out, limp and pale.

Secta came in, carrying the things Jet had handed him, while running off, and helped the woman finish off her stitches.

The woman finally stepped back, pouring aetheris over the closed wounds, covering them in a vile-looking poultice. He was wrapped in clean bandages, then, and carefully laid out in his bed.

“He is in fate’s hands now,” the woman said, looking exhausted.

* * *

NEXT

Posted in Deathwatch, Fiction, Serial | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Seriously

“Okay,” she said, not to anyone in particular, if only to stop having to listen to the sound of her own teeth chattering. “Okay, Jones,” she began again. “What do you know?” A spasm shifted from between her shoulder blades, and she felt her left hand cramp up. A low mewling noise caught in the back of her throat as she strained her neck, looking toward her fingers, watching the blood drain away from them, watching them clench tighter and tighter. “Shit shit shit shitshitshit–” she panted. “StopitstopitSTOPIT–”

When her hand became a fist, she lost her grip on the ledge — her fingertips scraped themselves raw, and she was left hanging by her right hand, forty floors up.

She could taste pennies in the back of her throat. Pennies and ash.

The whole world spun.

“What you know, Jones,” she said dryly, “is you got two options. One, use it. Maybe blow out your brain through your left fucking ear. Or maybe not. Get back up on the ledge. Two, don’t use it. Pull y’self up. Or maybe not. F’you fall, probably make a stain about ten feet wide, so there’s that.”

The spring wind was still damp and cold; she felt it blow almost through her as she dangled there, unnoticed by the regular traffic of New York City’s Rockefeller Center.

No one in the city looked up. Not even tourists anymore.

She flexed her left hand and squeezed it a few times, willing the blood to start flowing again, so she could regain feeling in it. Or maybe feeling that didn’t suck ass, since it most certainly did have feelings, only those feelings were a lot like some kind of many-mouthed rottweiler using her fist as a chew toy.

“Ah, fuck it,” she sighed, and began to pull herself up, back over the ledge.

Exhaustion plus the wind made it ten times harder than it ever might’ve been, and in that last instant where she was balanced at the precipice, one poorly-timed gust sent her scrambling — resolved as she’d been to keep the use of her gift down to nothing, deep down, the back-brain’s need to survive in the moment outweighed the potential that it would turn itself from ‘lizard brain’ to ‘eggplant’ — the invisible wall of her power lashed out, hauled her up and over the ledge, and sent her sprawling on the solid surface of the rooftop.

She gagged, feeling the blood run from her nose, over her lips and down the back of her throat. She felt it run from her eyes, blurring her vision to pink muddy shapes of light and dark.

She had a moment of triumph, that she’d lived long enough to get back to the top, and then something behind her eyes burst into pinwheels and kaleidoscopes of color and smell and sound. Her body gave one great big jerk, muscles spamming, and she felt the distinct release of her bladder letting go.

“Seriously?” she slurred, and then those pinwheels and kaleidoscopes grew mouths of star fields, great, yawning blacknesses with smoking teeth and tiny points of light, and they swallowed her whole.

Posted in Fiction, Flash | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

What if

What if want more than this petty life 

of human exhaustion gives me? 

What if I have dreamed 

of Angel fire and demon song? 

What if every hope I’ve asked for left me cold and broken, 

what if I find out this whole time that I’ve been wrong? 
The doubt is mine 

the choice is mine–

the way you twist 

the knife is mine. 

Posted in On Depression, Poetry, Uncategorized | Leave a comment