“Fuck Christmas.”

“You’re like this every year.”

“I maintain: Fuck Christmas.”

“You love the lights.”

“They stop working every year. I have to take them all apart and try again.”

“You love the holiday dinners.”

“Just gimme Chinese.”

“You love presents.”

“Cheap shit I don’t need and I’ll prob’ly throw away as soon as no one’s looking.”

“You love Christmas carols.”

“F’I hear another chipmunk in the next twelve days, M’gonna kill everyone with a mall-Santa.”

“So, what you’re saying is–”

“Fuck Christmas.”

“Fuck Christmas it is.”

“Hey… what’s that?”

“Cheap shit you don’t need.”

“Looks like it wasn’t cheap.”


“…Maybe I can make an exception.”

“You sure?”

“Spill a drop and I will cut you like Olive.”


“Olive, the other reindeer. Never let Rudy join in any reindeer games. Bitch was cruel.”



“Merry Christmas.”

“Give it here, daft bint. Merry Christmas.”

“Love you, too.”

About Catastrophe Jones

Wretched word-goblin with enough interests that they're not particularly awesome at any of them. Terrible self-esteem and yet prone to hilarious bouts of hubris. Full of the worst flavors of self-awareness. Owns far too many craft supplies. Will sing to you at the slightest provocation.
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