To Hold On

When they came for her, she ran. She ran like she was made for running. She ran like hunted deer ran. She ran like hungry wolves ran. She ran like a river, like a fire through dry brush.

She ran, because there was nothing left to do but run.

There was nowhere to go, but purely to go; all she had left was the momentum that would have to carry her from one world to the next, a slipping between breaths, between heartbeats.

Always just a moment too late, an instant behind him, fingers never quite finding the tear, never quite in time, to be able to reach through, to take hold of his hand.

They keep getting to her. They keep catching up. They keep getting between her, and her next step.

All she needs is to get a little faster, to jump a little sooner.

All she needs is to get her fingers laced into his.

All she needs is to hold on.

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Disastrous

It is a disastrous thing to love someone
so much that all you can do for them
in the end is cease to exist,
so that your adoration
stops holding them
down with its own
crushing
weight.

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The Last Thing I Want

Every night
before I go to bed,
I see
your face.

I don’t know
what it is
I’m looking for,

when I look for you,
but I know that

I’m not searching
for forgiveness.
For all that I’ve done,

I’d do it again,
even when
it brought me
to your door

in the middle
of the night,
having to tell you
they were all gone,
all dead,

and you were next.

This confessional
isn’t about
putting me to rest;

that’s the last thing
I want.

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Dwindling

Everything inside of me
is withering up you see;

what of me I wanted to
give to you I had wanted to
be a font, a fountain,

a rushing pulse of wet life,
all bloody and brilliant.

I have nothing left
to give you, though;

the waters within me
are drying up,
leaving me with nothing.

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Remember the time I flew?

Remember the time I ran for the edge of the roof and leapt off?

Your heart stopped, and your eyes shut down, and you barely watched me. I flew.

I flew.

I flew, and I hung in the air like I could’ve slam-dunked the fucking moon, and I was so proud. I was so proud, and you were terrified and wouldn’t let yourself be, and then suddenly I was ashamed.

When I touched back down, breathless, I was heavier than when I’d launched myself into the sky, for all the weight of the disappointment I’d felt, when you weren’t joyful for me.

I am not a weapon; I am a work of art.

Sometimes I wonder why I’m still bothering trying to save your sorry ass.

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